Darkly Devotions

Lyric prose meditations that play with elements from evangelical Christianity, Buddhism, yoga, reiki, Tarot and “weird voodoo shit.”

~by Cindy Clem

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Opening exercise: Bring into your imagination one of your child selves, the young self at its most jarringly awkward, its most self-conscious, the self, of all the young selves, that you would prefer to forget. Close your eyes and see this child walk toward you, a perfect expression of the awkwardness in whatever form it took: buck teeth, overgrown hair, scabs, bruises, acne, Kmart jeans, glasses the size of plates, extra fat or limbs as thin as wind chimes. Is this child happy to see you? Is he unsure, hopeful, sullen? Does she jump on you, ignorant of the socially appropriate amount of personal space, like she always was back then, with everyone? How do you feel, seeing this child approach? Meet with this child every day until you look forward to seeing him or her, until you can trust each other.

Today’s passage: “Then little children were brought to Him that He might put His hands on them and pray, but the disciples rebuked them. But Jesus said, ‘Let the little children come to Me, and do not forbid them; for of such is the kingdom of heaven.’ And He laid His hands on them and departed from there.” Matthew 19:13-15, NKJV

These verses are made much of in Sunday School and children’s Bible books. We are led to imagine children sitting under a tree staring open-mouthed at Jesus as he tells them stories, perhaps while placing cut-outs of himself and his disciples upon a board covered in flannel. Children raised their hands and Jesus called on them, and maybe at the end everyone sang, “If I were a fish in the sea, I’d wiggle and I’d squiggle and I’d giggle with glee,” or “Happiness is Jesus and me in close relation, takin’ a trip that leads to Heaven.”

But according to the passage, not much happens. The three verses are situated between “Jesus Teaches on Celibacy” and “Jesus Counsels the Rich Young Ruler.” Apparently, ignorant masses of parents were shoving their babies in Jesus’ face like he was Kanye West, and his disciples/handlers were dutifully trying to protect him. Jesus makes an obscure statement about the kingdom of heaven, touches the kids, and then leaves.

People who have never babysat interpret this passage to mean that little children are the essence of the kingdom of heaven. Do not forbid them; for of such is the kingdom of heaven. Grammatically, it seems more likely that something about the act of not forbidding children constitutes the kingdom of heaven, which is worse and makes the kingdom of heaven sound awful.

Matthew 19:23 also mentions the kingdom: “And again I say to you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.”

In Luke 17:21b, Jesus says to his disciples: “For indeed, the kingdom of heaven is within you.”

So, the kingdom of heaven a) does not like the word “no,” b) has an affinity for children, c) is very, very tiny, and d) is inside men. Does it also wiggle and squiggle and giggle with glee?

Closing prayer: Please forgive us, Lord, for this our sacrilege. We are but children, and we have children inside us, and you, being inside us and inside them and inside whoever is inside them, must know our darkness well and know that if you extend your hand, we will someday take it.

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Cindy Clem received her MFA in poetry in 2005 and has been writing non-fiction ever since. Her poems and essays have appeared (magically!) in Mid-American Review, The Normal School, Prairie Schooner, Memoir (and), Superstition Review, The Interrobang, Spittoon, and Michigan Quarterly Review (forthcoming).