"mensah demary"

for A.
down the rabbit hole…

the name “mensah” is Igbo (some believe it is Twi) for “third born son.” this makes “mensah” a far more accurate name than “Thomas.” i retained my last name (real) to honor my father. combined, mensah demary references my parents—I love them—and it represents definintion—agency. i am free to define myself, i am free to define myself, i am free to name myself properly.

*

i’ve never been called a nigger. but i have been called nigger-lite—nigga—as a term of endearment, as a word in search of a new definition. i’ve called people “niggas”—i’ve called you one under my breath. i have a long way to go.

no one called me a nigger, but images whisper in bold letters.

*

the current web sensation “Awkward Black Girl” captivates young black people like me. it is not, however, the fetishizing of awkwardness. “awkward” can be swapped for “nerdy” or “normal” or “frustrated”—words in direct opposition to nigger or merely “lazy.”

“Awkward Black Girl” challenges the ignorant & humiliating portrayals—rhymes with “betrayal”—of so-called black life. it is satire—if CNN & other channels like to run shows about the “black experience,” then we can use the same medium to mock them, to bolster us. “Awkward Black Girl” is about identity: love yourself, or don’t—but be yourself.

*

these words are from a black man. they should be associated with black men. black women, meanwhile, fight the good fight against “The Help.” soon, i will join them on the battlefield, at the intersection of Mammy and White Guilt.

*

i’ve never been called a nigger, but i was accused of “talking white.” i blacken my words with agency; i await the accusation of writing “african-american.”

as a child, when i knew I was losing at checkers or Candyland, i flipped over the board or smacked away the game pieces.

*

if all black men in america spoke up, one by one, just to tell their side of the tale, then Toure, Tyrese and Steve Harvey would pipe down. just an idea.

*

i never been called a nigger, but i do call myself “mensah.” not a sudden change—in my head, i haven’t called myself by my real name in twelve years.

the act of naming is holy, but not permanent—and far from automatic accuracy. naming defines you while attaching you to lineage, to history.

i am the third born son of Diane. that’s all i am.

*

i never been called a nigger, but if you call me a nigger, i assure you—a nigger will be revealed and it won’t be me.

black men are not victims.

note: “victim” and “victimized” are not the same.

*

tell me white men save black women from unmarried lives; tell me our children have no fathers; tell me we don’t read & we can’t create (except babies); tell me in your soft tone, with disingenuous babble about race (post), how we mean nothing to everyone; tell me about the niggers in jail and in rap videos, waiting for my smile & nod; tell me my name is Thomas; tell me you’re not listening—