And Yet

From AND YET — coming from [PANK] Books Spring 2021

I don’t fear sex. Or love. Not exactly. Rather, I fear not truly understanding the title of Jane’s Addiction’s classic 1988 album Nothing’s Shocking, where Perry Farrell’s reedy, distinctive yelp on songs like “Jane Says” and “Mountain Song” euphoniously marries itself to Dave Navarro’s nimble guitar lines, to Eric Avery’s syncopated slap-bass and Stephen Perkins’ steady percussion. Of not understanding Nothing’s Shocking album cover, a (not) shocking sculpture of nude female conjoined twins, large breasts prevalent, on an oversized rocking chair with their heads engulfed in billowing flame. Laden with tributaries, I fear having—or choosing—to exist in the glibness of those previous sentences because of what I might lack.

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On the occasions when someone has sent me a nude pic, I’ve studied and studied, then sent it right back to them. Their response has told me far more than their physical nakedness has.

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In a world where one’s erotic capital increasingly matters as much as one’s economic capital, prudery is shocking, no matter if one is young (18+) or old. Sexual shyness, reticence, priggishness, puritanism, some unfleeting exclusiveness to one’s own endless self. But where, in Western culture at least, sex is everywhere, ubiquitous— streaming, scrolling, swipeable— such unthinkable states and emotions are increasingly prevalent. Compared to the Baby Boomer generation and Generation X, Millennials become sexually active later in life and sleep with fewer people. Dating and marriage occurs later in their lives, as does childbirth. Sexual prolificity is less important than personal identity, comfort and security.

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As a Millennial, what I want is my self, my freely-sustained fully-possible self, and the path to such knowledge dwindles the more I screw you. And you. And you.

And you.

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I’m selfish in other words, but only in relation to my estimation of what everyone else lacks.

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Jeff Alessandrelli is most recently the author of the poetry collection Fur Not Light (Burnside Review Press, 2019), which The Kenyon Review called an “example of radical humility…its poems enact a quiet but persistent empathy in the world of creative writing.” Forthcoming is a chapbook on the literary work of the deceased writer and environmental activist Mark Baumer and, to be released by [PANK] in 2021 and centered around masculinity and shyness, the autofiction text And Yet. In addition to his own writing Alessandrelli also runs the literary record label/press Fonograf Editions. He’s at https://jeffalessandrelli.net/.