3.02 / October 2008

Adagia, 51-100

51. A hunk’s sibling glad in the sun.
52. Fall in pits as big as your shit.
53. Fall in lakes so as not to make us upset.
54. People named Hank are always technical guys.
55. Is that my turd your cat has in his mouth?
56. My bad sibling, drawn from the same fountain.
57. The golden goat.
58. The head of a scorpion.
59. Everything is funny in extreme heat.
60. Do not disturb WASPs.
61. Do not disturb lions.
62. Bad or good, when you move, you move.
63. An eight-foot boner is still a boner.
64. Bitchin’ Camaros are still Camaros.
65. The letters that form in bowels are still bowels.
66. Lean against old ladies at your own peril.
67. A map of the world is still a representation of it.
68. God comes out of improvising, apparently.
69. God is a part of all of us, evidently.
70. All homos eat grass.
71. Hercules’ crotch is still a crotch.
72. The bad genius?
73. The more handy a he-man is, the more he-man he becomes.
74. Let’s pretend we’re really human beings.
75. A good bird, a nasty chick.
76. Don’t touch anyone at night.
77. Touch by moonlight.
78. The hotter chick’s son?
79. I am weighed down by my own praise.
80. If you’ve got Sambura’s gravy.
81. Fun cornhole habits.
82. Yell at young beasts.
83. Hold young beasts tight-like.
84. Upon me the crude broad bean.
85. To protect is to entangle.
86. The skilled urge themselves.
87. He published his own book, and you looked it up.
88. Lust produces. Genius reduces.
89. Bad Terms.
90. New cities get even.
91. Serve the scene.
92. For us.
93. Get a mint for that polyp.
94. Versatile co-thirst.
95. The many kings have one head.
96. Get up year.
97. A divine virgin?
98. Locate the stop-stoppers.
99. A sincere pen.
100. The magic eye has great airbus.

Queries,

being a collection of questions, reservations, and comments written by the author in an attempt to absterge and clarify elements of student and postgraduate creative work, 1995 until the present time

VIII.
Aren’t all fall leaves multi-colored?
Who is Marcus Buckley?
Also: Don’t all tears roll uncontrollably? Can you control how your tears roll?
Where are we, anyway?
Asking to move? If they can move? Making requests to move? People who ask to move?
Can you tell us what that story is/was about?
Is it controversial? Routine? Sensitive? Is it fluffy?
Can you tell us who Dennis McDonald is?
Tell us some of these options, rather than the “world of options”? I draw a blank here.
Perhaps a transitional sentence here that says your mother uses the f-word as well?
Do you mean–or does your mom mean–Like other people?
I believe the word “fuckin” usually has an apostrophe at the end, to indicate a missing g of the gerund form.
I would cut this sentence out, or place it earlier.
The quote from grandmom about white boys does the trick.
Is this Marcus Buckley you are describing?
I like how you talk about one song that reminds you of home and another that places you in the room where you are thinking of home.
If you are going to write about how interesting and amazing Becca is, leave this out; if you are not going to do that, leave it out.
I think you could probably summarize the story about cellphones here to set up your own connection.
You could probably do that–or should aspire to, in any case–in one dependent clause.
We’re talking about editing preferences here, but here I think the word “reminds” does the trick.
The language is also great–the choice of comparing the reaction to Tiki as a girl meeting Justin is priceless and makes connections within the piece.
Does this happen in Mechanicville, or somewhere else?
Where is this “Hell Hole” you describe? Also: Love the title!
I would start a new paragraph here. And isn’t it spelled “Lil Jon”?
You could probably cut all this stuff out and get to your point about home/ex-boyfriend.
Ah, nice again–you dress up, while the roomies don’t even fold their clothes. See how these details speak for themselves?
Different than what? Previous interviews with Marcus Buckley? Other interviews you’ve conducted earlier that day, your life, that semester?
I love this section’s focus on guilty pleasures and language. What might it say about the speaker, the overall narrative?
We understand it’s his Old Spice Body Wash, since it’s in the shower with him; it might be notable if it were someone else’s. Maybe.
I would cut this.
We understand the words come from his lips; we understand you hear them.
The metaphor of it “escaping his lips” doesn’t seem to fit here—he seems casual about this, at least on the surface.
Sequence seems odd here—you decided to shack up immediately after meeting on Yahoo Personals?
Why is it pathetic? And what does “it” refer to?
After the song is over? Or before? This is crucial question, I think.
Do you mean “sorrowful” song?
When are you going to tell us who Marcus Buckley is?


3.02 / October 2008

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