How to Commit Suicide

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1. Take a flying leap

Find the highest window of the highest building of the highest spot around – go there. Wrestle it open, cough at the dust that stirs, lean outside with your face in the wind and cold. Sounds are distant, people are small, you are you having swallowed an anchor. It’ll be dark. It’ll be a long way down.

Mary, what’s so goddamn interesting out that window?

2. Slit your wrists

Down the street, not across the road. Make it count. Push harder, ’til the flesh gapes like a thirsty little mouth. Don’t be timid. You have a few tries to get it right, to make it stick. Lying in the tub would be a cliché, but why not? Just circle the drain and slip low, evaporate.

Mary, put that down and get back over here, Jesus Christ.

3. Hang yourself

It’ll take a little skill, a little practice. Can’t do this one on a whim. The noose has to be just right, and the fall has to be long enough that your neck snaps at the pull of your own weight – wouldn’t want to suffocate for ten minutes. So pick your rope, pick your place, and get knotting.

Mary, have you ever done anything right in your life?

4. Overdose

Buy the most expensive hundred proof at the liquor store – something classy. Put on some Billie Holliday, unearth that Vicodin from the root canal last spring, the one where the dentist’s empathy outweighed your own discomfort. Pour everything down your throat and lie on your back, waiting.

Mary, I swear to God, girl, I will beat your ass black and blue.

5. Marry a cruel man

Let him split you wide and flay you open, burrow beneath your translucent, seawater skin, between the slats of your ribs. Let him put you on and wear you out. Let him drain your colors, tear your lungs, clog your throat. Let him swallow you whole. Let him crush your hand in his and call it love.

Mary, come to bed.