Job Opening for Border Patrol Agents

Requirements

• U.S. citizenship.

• 1 year military or police experience.

• Border Patrol work requires the ability to read & speak Spanglish.

Education

• No college degree required.

Duties

• Border Patrol Agents slash open jugs of rosewater.

• Border Patrol Agents shoot & kill an unarmed // Mexican teenager.

• Border Patrol Agents steal money // confiscate medications // & deny migrants medical treatment // before forcing them into overcrowded cells.

• Border Patrol Agents watch children in detention centers // take toilet paper // & lay it on the floor for warmth // because it’s one barrier between children & the cement.

• Border Patrol Agents keep the checkpoints open during the hurricane // so migrants can’t seek safety without being detained.

• Border Patrol Agents assist in smuggling drugs over the border.

• Border Patrol Agents believe they’re good // for doing their jobs //even when their jobs mean harming other people // pointlessly.

Salary

• $40K & raise every year. Plus overtime.

Benefits

• Infrared scopes for use during night operations.

• Border Patrol Agents will be required to carry a firearm.

• Border Patrol Agents are equipped with off-road vehicles // horses // watercraft // motorcycles // & ATV’s // while welfare services deplete.

How to Apply

• Send in your name. We promise insomniacs have the best day dreams.

• Full Time (Latinos preferred).

—

Christopher Soto (b. 1991, Los Angeles) is a poet based in Brooklyn, New York. He is the author of Sad Girl Poems (Sibling Rivalry Press, 2016) and the editor of Nepantla: An Anthology Dedicated to Queer Poets of Color (Nightboat Books, 2018).