Pictures of You

Pictures of You: Kathy Fish

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“For Tom,” by Kathy Fish

 

Fullscreen capture 3302015 80555 PMWhat I remember: eating dusty sandwiches in the car, my brother reading to me from “Chariots of the Gods,” the way my other brother had been so uncharacteristically silent on that trip, the motel beds that vibrated if you paid a quarter, the long walk to the municipal pool and the man wearing big black shoes who asked me to sit on his lap. I remember the tire swing on my aunt’s farm and the uncle who unfolded himself from a rusty Volkswagen in full, military regalia, who saluted us, and our father asking him where he got the costume. I remember green popsicles and a chicken getting its neck wrung and slippery, gray hotdogs on slices of bread and a cousin who climbed a tree and threatened to kill us all with a hammer. It was no small comfort to see there were people in the world poorer and crazier than us. Continue reading →

Pictures of You: Shabnam Nadiya

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 “None for the Birds,” by Shabnam Nadiya

 

Fullscreen capture 3302015 22539 PMMothering didn’t come easy to us—not to my mother, not to me. Surely there are women who slip into that role with the ease of sword into sheath. Surely there are women for whom discarding their earlier selves was a battle early won. Not us though. Perhaps it is wrong of me to say that. Perhaps it is more accurate to say we discovered, in our own ways, that lullabies were just one kind of song.

To become a mother was expected; less so for me than for her. The leniency afforded by a later time was not much, but it did grant me a few more moments to breathe. Her vision of what her life should be was halted again and again by marriage, war, childbirth, migration. Obstruction (?b?str?kSH(?)n,äb?str?kSH(?)n/, noun) : a thing that impedes or prevents passage or progress. Sometimes you have to choose to let an obstruction merely ‘impede’ and not ‘prevent.’ Tenacity became my mother’s religion; she fed it to me straight and raw through the umbilical cord.

I broke my world apart, once, and put it back together. It’s not your world anymore, friends and family told me, You’re a mother now; it’s your daughter’s. I disagreed. If I didn’t learn how to hold on to my own world, how could I tell my daughter that the real question isn’t whether gravity can push you down or pull you up, it’s whether gravity can pull you apart? Continue reading →

Pictures of You: Seth Fischer

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“Smurfs,” by Seth Fischer

 

Fullscreen capture 3252015 125806 PMSometime in 1983, a rogue photographer caught me covering my father with tiny plastic Smurfs. This transgression was so incredible to me when I made the photo album—by the looks of the tortured D’Nealian cursive, probably eight years later—that I wrote “I can’t believe dad let me” right below the photo.

It’s no surprise I couldn’t believe it. Dad is no fan of being the butt of shenanigans. Sure, he’ll put napkins on his head and call it a hat with the best of them, and when I was little, he was always down for a tickle war (as long as he won), but you should see the fight he puts up when my younger sister tries to boop his nose.

Really, though, what’s important is that this was not a good time in any of our lives: my parents were separating, my mom was mid-job search, my dad was up for tenure. I still hear the fights in that house sometimes, all these years later; because of the heating vents, I heard every word. Soon, I’d be bouncing back and forth between their houses, moving more than an Army brat, never feeling like I had a real home until, at the age of 15, I told my Dad I wouldn’t be moving anymore, the same year his parents died, his best friend committed suicide, and he had twins.

I broke his heart that year. Continue reading →

Pictures of You: Erica Hoskins Mullenix

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“Commuter Marriage,” by Erica Hoskins Mullenix

 

Fullscreen capture 3252015 125250 PMI am not throwing back that far with this photo, but then again, my marriage didn’t last long enough to become a truly historical event fit for circa dates and carbon dating, so here we are with a picture of my husband and me from 2007. Always a long-distance relationship or a commuter marriage, ours was a pairing of sex and errands whenever we were in the same city. This photo was taken the day Q, my husband, helped me clean our pre-marriage apartment from top to bottom. We started with my disastrous closet filled with unpacked boxes from three of my previous moves, then hit the bedroom. Once we were able to see the floor, I broke down in tears, happy and bewildered that this boy could see me at my worst and still want to be with me. Two years later when he left me the first time, it turns out, according to the note he left behind without leaving behind much else of our stuff, my shit being all over the place was one of the things he “couldn’t take” so he wasn’t as much helping me out of my abyss that day as he was building a case against me, but that weekend, it was all love and fucking and the scent of Pine-Sol and clean Berber with us having sex in each room as we went along. We finished with this self-timed shot in the kitchen. Continue reading →

Pictures of You: Andi Werblin

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“Happy Birthday to My Love in Barcelona,” by Andi Werblin

Fullscreen capture 3252015 124202 PMThe box contained new Converse sneakers (too large), a cassette tape with The Spinanes on one side & Liz Phair on the other, & a thrift-store dress that fit, which was surprising.

There was a letter too that said in its way come back & also don’t, because I’m sleeping with someone else & we broke into your storage locker so she could borrow your bike.

The dress said he is very guilty. The sneakers naturally said run.

The cassette tape was all, remember his cool taste in music. You guys are so connected.

The letter didn’t say he was fucking her from behind. I read that later when I broke into his inbox.

I wore the letter to the party. The dress came too with its drab color.

The wine gave me cheekbones & my new friends gave me more wine.

The bottle said the night is young. You belong here. Stay.

 

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ANDREA WERBLIN is the author of one previous book of poems, Lullaby for One Fist (Wesleyan University Press). She works as a freelance Copy Director, and writes about neuroplasticity, amateur pastry-chef adventures, and stretch pants. http://www.washington.edu/uwpress/search/books/WERSUN.html

Pictures of You: Pia Z. Ehrhardt

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“The Merry Miler,” by Pia Z. Ehrhardt

Fullscreen capture 3222015 93954 AM

When I was in Grade Ten, we moved suddenly from Alberta, Canada to Mississippi, driving the Merry Miler across wide, empty provinces, and traffic-filled states. There were six of us: my younger sister Nance and me, our parents, and two tiny new sisters.

My mother scouted out the next RV Park in a giant guidebook. She and my father listened to serious music on the radio. They were both musicians.

At night Nance and I sauntered around the grounds, thinking we were brand new. When we found boys our age we skipped the shyness because even if you never saw him again, hitting it off was better than standing there, tongue-tied and wishing. The next morning Nance and I would beg for a later departure, another sortie, but our father would start the engine and we’d ride off like cowboys on fresh horses.

Our mother kept things up in The Merry Miler like she did at home. There were petunias in a vase she’d super glued to the Formica table, fluffy towels in the water closet, Irish linen curtains on the windows. Continue reading →

Pictures of You: Paul Myette

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“The Willows,” by  Paul Myette

 

Fullscreen capture 3222015 93128 AMHis parents bought him a popcorn ball to show him that everything was fine, to keep him from asking if everything was fine. It worked. For a while it worked. They smiled and said of course, of course as they handed it to him. He knew better. He saw the frustration in his father’s face, the hurt in his mother’s, but they only bought him treats on the days when they were good. The popcorn ball, brown with caramel, dotted with peanuts, allowed him to accept their fiction.

He struggled with it. He sat on a bench and tried to eat. The circumference was too much for his mouth, but he bit at it over and again, struggling to gain purchase with his bottom teeth. He thought if he could pull even one kernel free from the rest then he could take it from there. The process coated his chin with a layer of caramel. Every third bite or so he’d stop and lick this, pushing his tongue as far down past his lip as he could. His hands grew sticky beyond cleaning. Continue reading →

Pictures of You: Ashley Inguanta

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“DEDICATION: TO THE REGISTRAR,” by Ashley Inguanta

Fullscreen capture 3222015 92402 AMYears ago, I wrote a poem before boarding an airplane. A dream of mine: When I was a young girl, I held my grandfather’s hand, and we ran. I was a monster, growing. He had the greenest eyes. I remember ghosts. I remember how–after the poem, after the dream—I turned to gold when I kissed my lover, when I kissed her hair. I remember when I thought all of this made sense once, when I drove past palm trees and all things wild. It was in my DNA to love hard.

The dream of my grandfather: There is another man who has never showed up in any of my dreams, but he is also my blood. He had a scar between his eyes. Tell me—when you saw him, when you marked down his features, when you scanned his face—did you see a young girl forming from his DNA, from those lines, from his dark complexion, from the scar between his eyes? I want to know, how did he speak to you? He filled out his draft card, World War II. His body belonged to America. Did he know this? Tell me. Continue reading →

Pictures of You: Cynthia Hawkins

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“Disembodied,” by Cynthia Hawkins

Fullscreen capture 3192015 63125 AMThis is me, age seven, pretending to be a disembodied head.  I imagined the camera couldn’t see the rest of me behind the sofa.  I’d taken pains to arrange the pillow just so.  If I’d known the gag was ruined, I wouldn’t be smiling.

Sometimes I was a disembodied head on an armrest.  Sometimes I was a sideways disembodied head appearing to float up and down a doorframe while the rest of me was upright behind the wall.  Sometimes I was a disembodied head at a jaunty angle appearing to float from side to side atop the high back of mom’s upholstered chair while the rest of me was shuffling in a crouch on the shag rug puckered around the chair’s ball-and-claw feet.  Sometimes I’d slip my arms inside my sweater and let the loose sleeves flap as I asked every family member, “Hey! Where’d my arms go!”   Continue reading →