Anxiety Index

Luxury condos sprout in unused forests

Especially seagulls have taken over the parking lot

Warlocks target ordinary citizens with debt lasers

Favorite flavors include lunchbox & seatbelt

Feats of engineering include breastfeeding & tree trunks

Sunken cities release bland toxins into the sea

Angry motorists now remotely soothed by satellite

Tricycles develop interior, ulterior motivations

A motion was raised to dismiss surf rock

Shocking hysteria surrounds the production of mulch

Church discovers organist is actually android

Sandals bear their walkers forward via subconscious coaxing

Smoking guns include airbags & trace radio vibrations

Make certain to maintain a safe distance from weird ants

Fans of the Beach Boys demand apology from M. Love

Above all, avoid hospitals, spaceships and severed hands

Land makes the ocean feel anxious and underappreciated

Gated communities spring up around small lakes

Make citizens demand actual rights, for better or worse

Purse snatcher receives death penalty for his angelic posture

Positive results prove evangelical obesity epidemic

Bishop mandates expansive profiling of musicians with hands

Expanding deserts provide increased landing space for mothership

Hip cowboys drink fair trade iced tea on the veranda

Panda populations decrease slightly due to deforestation

Lactation consultants go on strike across the state

Fate distilled to its essence is locked in the evidence locker

On average, nervous sidewalks sprout more weeds

Evil wizards maintain hidden stations beneath the surface

Workers uncover alien bodies during sewer repair

Rare voices muted on talk show by high volume laugh track

Facts persist concerning invisible citizens despite media blackout

Lack of space in detention prompts congress to postpone vote

Notions of justice encouraged by robust prison fitness plan

Zones established near major cities for the Nation’s safety

We came from the suburbs, we named the robot Carl