4.08 / August 2009

You Can’t And You Don’t

People like to take pictures of him eating. He wears a baseball cap and holds his knife and fork like he is ready for anything. Everyone is touched that he still eats this way. In the pictures, he is usually staring down at plates piled with chicken, his mouth slightly open. ‘Eats and fucks anything that walks’ they say. And then they laugh like he is laughing with them.

He is spotted in bars that were popular in the seventies and have waiters who look like they never go home. He is usually with four or five other men who are referred to as The Malaysian Mafia. He has two cell phones and everyone thinks this is suspicious. They say he is trying to be a movie star or a politician but can’t decide which is worse.

Girls who thought he was adorable have become women who think he is chee. They don’t feel comfortable inviting him for anything unless there are other men around. They say he is a SideyChick Magnet. Young girls with long, shiny legs make him promise to drop them home because they will be so scared to take an auto alone in the night dressed like this because what if something happens? These girls look slum but they wear miniskirts and speak English and everyone thinks this is disturbing.

People suggest he is balding and everyone says yes, this is why he wears the baseball caps. Someone thinks he should just shave his head because young bald men are sexy. He isn’t young anymore, says one of the women. Everyone agrees that baseball caps will make the balding worse.

They remember when he used to help push buses that had broken down in the middle of the road. If there had been an accident, he would direct traffic until a policeman would tell him to get lost. They remember how he made friendship bracelets and tied them around people’s wrists when they weren’t looking.

4.08 / August 2009