America Loves Mimes

“Welcome to America Loves Mimes Finale,” Ryan Seacrest said to loud cheers from the Grand Ole Opry crowd. After months of competition we are down to our two finalists—Blisters and Irving Irving.

The rules are the same with each Mime in a taped off five foot square area. I’ll sit here next to the judges and call the play by play.”

Each Mime brought in doubles of three props. Blisters won the Rock Paper Scissors play off and will begin.”

“Blisters digs into the prop box and pulls out a lemon. He easily peels it, banana like, for his opening. He bites off chunks making yummy wide-mouthed Mime faces and finishes off the lemon and tosses the rind over his shoulder. He throws his arms out to the crowd, steps back and does a courtly bow and slips on the rind doing a banana pratfall. He smiles and flips his hands out while lying on his belly. The crowd screams their appreciation.

“Next up is Irving Irving who takes the other lemon and tries to banana peel it but realizes that it’s not scored, he changes and pretends to pluck it off a tree, apple-like. Very clever. He breathes on it, shines it on his shirt, holds it up and then bites into it. He takes a large bite, half the lemon, and as he’s chewing suddenly he can’t catch his breath.

Blisters slap his knees with laughter and pulls out a bunch of habenero peppers to show the crowd. He points to Irving Irving and covers his mouth–body shaking with laughter. Irving Irving goes into a coughing spasm and is disqualified for making noise.

Blisters runs around his five foot square, hands up doing victory laps while Irving Irving tries to get at him, but Mime-like, can’t get out of his box.”

Confetti falls from the ceiling.