When Michael Stipe is fucking me I will whisper the words fuck me kitten because “Automatic For the People” was the first CD I ever bought when I was 8 years old. Three days a week I wake up with a boner and I instantly start thinking about Michael Stipe fucking me. I get on my computer and type “Michael Stipe fucking me” into google image search as quickly as possible. Sometimes the results are disappointing but if I continue to click “load more images” I eventually find something satisfying.
When Michael Stipe fucks me and I whisper fuck me kitten we will both pause and laugh. Even though we have the same first name, when Michael Stipe fucks me it won’t be like masturbation at all. When Michael Stipe fucks me I will have to come to terms with the fact that something I had imagined many times before is really happening, and when fantasy meets reality my body will float into the air and Michael Stipe will float into the air with me and as we’re fucking in the air I will be closer to a concept of God than I’ve ever been before.
When Michael Stipe fucks me I will think of an image I’ve seen of Michael Stipe standing in front of enlarged cover of Jean Genet’s Thief’s Journal. In turn, I will think of Michael Stipe covered in dirt and sweat, fucking me in the French prisons of the early 20th century, our desperation met equally with violence and pleasure.
When Michael Stipe fucks me I will smile and let my face continue pounding into the wooden desk that my body is laid upon and I will clench my ass as tight as possible to make sure Michael Stipe experiences unmitigated levels of pleasure.
When Michael Stipe fucks me I will let him come into my ass without a condom because celebrities are fantasy and in the world of the unreal nothing bad can ever happen.
Michael Stipe’s come is a message to future generations.
Michael Stipe’s come will coat my insides with the warmth.
Michael Stipe’s come will enable me to see the future.
Michael Stipe’s come will save the world.
When Michael Stipe is fucking me it won’t take long before he hits my prostate perfectly and my eyes blank out and the only sound I hear is the sound of a collapsing building. When Michael Stipe is fucking me I won’t believe that I’m a real person because to be a real person is to be in pain and I will have absolutely no conception of pain.
When Michael Stipe is fucking me a BBC World newscaster will announce that Michael Stipe is coming 20 minutes before he has actually come. In the future nobody will be able to figure out how the newscaster was aware of an event that hadn’t happened yet. I will know the answer. The answer is that the newscaster knew ahead of time because Michael Stipe fucking me was inevitable.
When Michael Stipe fucks me America will crumble because his orgasm is a bomb against the American values that are hidden deep inside of my body, accessible only through my ass.