5.08 / August 2010

Epistolary Aphorisms

Dear Today,
I’ll put the favorite part of me
Inside of you,
If you put the favorite part
Of you
Inside of me.

Dear Yard,
There is a lizard dancing in you,
Attracting another lizard.
Maybe I should dance in you too.

Dear Future,
Keep coming.   That is all that I ask.

Dear Present,
Keep Happening.   Please.

Dear Past,
I miss you.

Dear Self,
Bad decisions
happen to good people
all the time.

Dear Future Self,
I’m so sorry
For everything I’m
About to do.

Dear Past Self,
What the Fuck?
How could you do this
To me?   And no apologies?

Dear Vodka,
You’re the closest thing
Any of us will ever
Have to a time machine
(You make the future come

Dear Future Self,
Don’t worry, I’m sure
They’ll invent an artificial
Liver someday.

Dear Xanax,
You’re the difference between
Time machine
And time bomb.

Failed or Unattempted Poems

A poem about Kirk Russell doing doughnuts inside a gas station parking lot.

A poem about Elks getting drunk and playing on a playground

and trying to have sex with bovines.

A poem about the biological differences between ducks and humans, specifically

the lack of external sexual organs in all species of ducks.   Titled:

Girls Have Vaginas, Ducks Have Cloacae.

A poem about “growing naked”   as opposed to “growing old.”

A poem about how my dad doesn’t understand me.

A poem about how I won’t know if I can die, until I do die.

A poem about turning my car into a museum of self.

A poem about how all my poems are simultaneously absolute truth and absolute artifice.

A poem about the fact that I’ve never seen a dead body.

A poem that is absolute hyperbole.   Titled:   The Worst Poem Ever.

A poem about my dad that repeats “my dad”—

A poem that uses the word “yonic.”

A poem about how problematic the word “problematic” is.

A poem about Abraham Lincoln going into the future and fist fighting Barak Obama.

A poem about history and science containing the lines:   “Everytime I dropped the orange/ It fell.

everytime I went to bed/ I woke up.”

A poem about being afraid of living forever.

5.08 / August 2010