Ask The Author: Andrew Brininstool

In the September issue is “Wild Honey” by Andrew Brininstool. If you haven’t read it already, this is the perfect piece/interview combination to start your weekend.

1. What would your church look like if you built one?

It would look identical to the Alexander Nevsky Cathedral in Bulgaria, except all the pews would be replaced with Vibrating Belt Machines.
 
2. When do you think of John the Baptist?
 
On chilly nights when I get the urge to don a hairshirt and dunk strangers in the creek behind my house. So, once or twice a week. 
 
 3. How would you cleanse your sins?
 
More sin. 
 
 4. Where did “Wild Honey” come from?
 
I’m not certain, to be honest. I’m not a churchgoer, but I’ve lived in Texas for most of my life. There are a lot of churches down here. Lots and lots (Barthelme’s “A City of Churches” isn’t far off). The thing about it, though, is that the vast majority of them are insipid, friendly kinds of places. The others are hip: young preachers with tattoos and earrings and the like. And, well, that’s disappointing. The hellfire and brimstone stuff might have political and theological complications, but it sure seems more exciting than strumming a Martin acoustic and crooning a lyrically vague song about grace.  
 
 5. Which apostle would you dress up as for Halloween? What would be your phrase that prompts houses to give you more candy?
 
I’d rather go as the prophet Elisha. If somebody refused me candy, I’d remind them of 2 Kings 2:23-24: “And he went up from thence unto Bethel: and as he was going up by the way, there came forth little children out of the city, and mocked him, and said unto him, Go up, thou bald head; go up, thou bald head. And he turned back, and looked on them, and cursed them in the name of the Lord. And there came forth two she bears out of the wood, and tare forty and two children of them.”
 
6. What is Duluth like, exactly, in the spring?
 
It’s no Kankakee!