Huckster: First-Draft Taglines

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Chances are, if you don’t work in the magical world of advertising, then you’re probably not aware of what company taglines originally looked like before they evolved into their present state. For instance, did you know that Volkswagon’s “Drivers Wanted” tagline was originally “Get in the fucking car”? The tagline then went through a series of changes, from “I want you to get in the car” to “I’m the driver and I want you to get in the car” to “Driver wants you to get in” to “Drivers Wanted.” Crazy. Well, below, you’ll find more first drafts to some of the most famous taglines ever. This is the first time they’ve ever been released to the general public, so you’re welcome!

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Make two columns in Microsoft Excel, label one ‘Pros,’ the other ‘Cons’ and, if the pros outweigh the cons, just do it. — Nike

The very highest rank in a monarchy as far as beers are concerned. — Budweiser

Fine, have it your way. Christ. — Burger King

Analagous to a rock. — Chevy

It’s everywhere you want to be and also everywhere you don’t want to be because, let’s face it, more often than not, you’re not where you want to be. — Visa

You’re an asshole. — Wendy’s Hamburgers

For the woman who sweats like a hairy dude. — Secret Deodorant

Edible. — Subway

That cow over there? It’s what’s for dinner. Now let’s carve that bitch up. — National Cattlemen’s Beef

Got cola? How about some fruit punch? Well, what have you got? Milk? That’s all, just milk? Fine, I guess. — California Milk Processor Board

Slightly ahead of its time. Just slightly, though. Seriously, we don’t think it’s a significant amount. — Panasonic

The last drop? Not so much. — Maxwell House

Bring us your children. — McDonald’s

We make money the old-fashioned way. No, not dowries. The other old-fashioned way. — Smith Barney

Not sure why we even need a tagline, really. — Sun Microsystems

Think like someone other than yourself. — Apple

You’re in good hands with Allstate. A little clammy today, but still. Good hands. — Allstate

Great, I’m out of Zoloft. Well, it’s up to you, Calgon. Take me away. — Calgon

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Do you know of any other first-draft taglines? Throw them down there in the old comment box.