Gallimaufry: A Letter From The “Words With Friends” Corporate Office

Dear Concerned Citizen:

We at Words With Friends received your letter regarding our—as you put it—“uncanny similarities to the board game Scrabble.” Believe it or not, you aren’t the first person to bring this to our attention. In fact, we have mounds of letters in our office proclaiming such a ridiculous notion. The reason we’re telling you this is so that you don’t think you’re something special, because you’re not. You’re just like all of us, and you’re going to die some day.

Sorry. Maybe we went too far there. Although it’s true that you will die, as you are not immortal, unlike the game Words With Friends, which will always be around. How does that make you feel?

The fact is, Words With Friends is quite different from Scrabble, and we’d like to take this opportunity to point out those differences. Let’s start with four of the most obvious differences:

1) The name of our game. Words With Friends. Scrabble. Are those names remotely similar? Of course not, don’t be ridiculous. But you can bet the guys at Scrabble are kicking themselves for not coming up with the name “Words With Friends” because our name kicks ass. I mean, Words with Friends. Who doesn’t want to play a word game with friends? Who are you playing Scrabble with? Probably not friends. Probably pedophiles.

2) In Scrabble, when you shake that wooden thing that holds your letters (how quaint!), does it scramble them for you? No. In fact, it just makes a mess. Tiles everywhere. But in Words With Friends, the letters scramble. Does this difference seem trivial? I don’t know, is your mom trivial?

3) There is a slight color difference in our bonus squares on the game board. Little known fact: this color difference was unintentional and actually a mistake on the part of our designers. Nevertheless, the difference is there and our designers have been fired.

4) Finally, we’d like to reiterate the difference between the names of the games. Big difference there.

Again, these are just some of the more obvious differences. There are actually plenty of other differences between our games. For instance, did you know we actually came up with the idea behind our word game before Scrabble did? It’s true. Exactly one second before they did. Also, Words With Friends is cool and Scrabble juggles the nuts of a dead raccoon. Anyone who thinks differently is wrong and has a lower I.Q. than us. (By the way, reverse the letters I and Q to make the word Qi, which comes in handy when you’re stuck with a Q and don’t have a U; you’re welcome.)

At this point, you’re probably feeling pretty stupid for writing your letter. Well, take comfort in knowing you’re not alone. Like I said, we have mounds of letters like yours over here, which only proves that you’re not special and that you are, indeed, going to die someday.

Sincerely,

Your friends at Words With Friends