Ask The Author: Anderson Holderness

“Giddy Up Hannah Montana” from Anderson Holderness was a part of our May Issue. Alter egos, animal sounds, and titles are all discussed below.

1. What would you build and then bury in the backyard?

Nothing comes to mind immediately. I heard of some guy building a trebuchet and thought that was interesting, but I’m not much of a carpenter. I’d probably end up building one of those birdhouses kids make at camp, one that birds wouldn’t ever live in with bright primary colors smeared all over and that would fall apart in a couple months. I’d like to dig a hole to bury that, but then find a tiny pyramid at the bottom of the hole. Then keep digging and brushing dirt away from the pyramid, making the pyramid large and the hole deep enough to attract neighbors so that they come out of their homes with shovels and come dig the hole too. We’d dig night and day and put all the houses up on stilts until finally the pyramid was uncovered. Then I suppose we would put the birdhouse at the front door and then fill the hole back up.

2. Who are you most ashamed of admitting that you like musically?

Cyndi Lauper. When Girls Just Want to Have Fun comes on the radio, I’m hooked. It’s so happy and catchy. I can’t help but imagine a group of girls zipping around in a red convertible, smiling, pumping their fists, flipping their hair, laughing, and then getting out and doing horrible horrible things. These girls beat up a guy in a Mickey Mouse costume, or burn down a bowling alley, or kill endangered animals, like cutting the flippers off a sea turtle and throwing it back into the ocean. All of this has Girls Just Want to Have Fun blaring somewhere off in the background. I’m pretty embarrassed by all of it. It’s not something I admit when I first meet people.

3. Which high school archetype best resembles you?

The foreign exchange student.

4. What animal sounds do you make when drunk?

No alcohol necessary. At work (in a restaurant kitchen) we make animal sounds when we’re bored or when it’s busy and we need something to lighten the mood. The usual line up: whale calls, chicken ba-gawking, and goat bleats. My favorite are the whale calls. There’s something agreeable about a bunch of cooks making pizza and acting like a pod of whales.

5. Where did “Giddy Up Hannah Montana” come from? Why did you leave her out of the story?

One thing creative writing teachers say you must do is have a relevant title. They say, “first and foremost, whatever you do, please, for the love of God and all that is holy, make your title relevant to your story.” GUHM isn’t relevant at all. As you point out, Hannah Montana is left out of the story. It doesn’t make sense. Where is Hannah Montana? Why is someone telling her to giddy up? Are they on her shoulders? These questions are not answered. In that sense, it’s a complete failure.

However, GUHM’s business is not to answer questions. It just goes. There’s no overarching meaning or theme and there’s not much to “get” overall, I don’t think. What’s to “get” is what you can read and feel, line by line. GUHM is more akin to poetry and music in that way. The rhythm and hues of the story reel out on the surface.

When I was giving GUHM a name, I didn’t want to give it a colorless title. That would be inconsiderate to the story. I wanted to breathe a little spirit in so it could stand on its own, a title that leaked a small, concentrated drop of GUHM’s playfulness. In the process I might’ve bastardized the good Hannah Montana name. Good. I want people to know the horror and disappointment I felt when I learned that she wasn’t a person, but a character played by a character played by a person.

6. What would be your pop star alter ego? What would be the names of some of your hit songs?

Alejandro Sfpoonberg. “Moth vs. Lightbulb: A Bolero.” “A Vacuum Named Melissa.” “Fast Cars, Shiny Money, and Venereal Diseases.” “Ham and Cheese.” “The Sfpoonberg Symphony No. 6.”