Darkly Devotions

Lyric prose meditations that play with elements from evangelical Christianity, Buddhism, yoga, reiki, Tarot and “weird voodoo shit.”

~by Cindy Clem

A Holiday Genealogy Quiz

Matthew 1:1-16
The book of the genealogy of Jesus Christ, the son of David, the son of [1].
1. A) Abraham
B) Noah
C) Aslan
The correct answer is A. (Noah is mentioned in the Luke genealogy but not this one. Aslan is God and as such the father of all animals, humans, dwarves, and fauns.)
To Abraham was born Isaac; and to Isaac, Jacob; and to Jacob, Judah and his brothers;
And to Judah were born Perez and Zerah by Tamar; and to Perez was born [2]
2. A) Hilton
B) Hezron
C) Mario
The correct answer is B. Hezron’s grandmother, Tamar, had an interesting story. Basically, she disguised herself as a prostitute to trick her father-in-law (Judah) to sleeping with her because he wouldn’t give her his third son to marry after her first husband (Judah’s son Er) was killed (by God, for being wicked) and her second husband (Judah’s son Onan) was killed (by God, because he “spilled his semen on the ground” instead of impregnating Tamar…hence the word “onanism”). It’s a complicated custom/policy called levirate marriage. A childless widow in those days was a pariah, and it was Judah’s responsibility to provide Tamar a husband within the family, which he didn’t, after Onan died/was killed.
and to Hezron, [3]
3. A) Ram
B) Bull
C) Admin
The correct answer is A. Admin appears in the Luke genealogy but requires a password.
And to Ram was born Amminadab; and to Amminadab, Nahshon; and to Nahshon, Salmon;
And to Salmon was born [4]
4. A) a wild Alaskan
B) an award-winning movie about fishing in the Yemen
C) Boaz by Rahab
The correct answer is C. Interesting note: Rahab was a former prostitute.
And to Boaz was born Obed by Ruth; and to Obed, Jesse;
And to Jesse was born David the king.
And to David was born Solomon by her who [5]
5. A) must not be named
B) had been the wife of Uriah
C) changed her name to a symbol
The correct answer is B. The wife’s name was Bathsheba, and David had her husband killed in battle so he (David) could have Bathsheba for himself. He succumbed to this temptation after seeing her taking a bath on her roof. Rooftop bathing was, I learned in church, what all the ladies did back then, and men were not supposed to look. I’m not sure who thought that would work.
And to Solomon was born Rehoboam; and to Rehoboam, Abijah; and to Abijah, Asa;
And to Asa was born Jehoshaphat; and to Jehoshaphat, Joram; and to Joram, Uzziah;
And to Uzziah was born Jotham; and to Jotham, Ahaz; and to Ahaz, [6]
6. A) Hezekiah
B) Zephaniah
C) Zechariah
The correct answer is A. So, Hezekiah was a real person but does not have book of the Bible named after him, as do Zephaniah and Zechariah. However, Bible teachers will try to trick you by saying things like “Quick! Find Hezekiah 3:18!” and then guffawing while you tear through your Bible trying to beat the other kids who are also looking for Hezekiah 3:18.
And to Hezekiah was born Manasseh; and to Manasseh, Amon; and to Amon, Josiah;
And to Josiah were born Jeconiah and his brothers, at the time of the [7]
7. A) hero
B) assassins
C) deportation to Babylon
The correct answer is C. The Time of the Hero is a novel by Mario Vargas Llosa. I haven’t read it. The Time of the Assassins is a study of Rimbaud by Henry Miller. I haven’t read that, either, although I read The Day on Fire, a novel by James Ramsey “suggested by the life of Arthur Rimbaud.”
And after the deportation to Babylon, to Jeconiah was born Shealtiel; and to Shealtiel, [8]
8. A) Parumpumpumpum
B) Beezlebub
C) Zerubbabel
The correct answer is C.
And to Zerubbabel was born Abiud; and to Abiud, Eliakim; and to Eliakim, Azor;
And to Azor was born [9]
9. A) Zadok
B) Dalek
C) Zadig
The correct answer is A. Zadig is half of a design team that sells purses for $500. Daleks are alien robots that want to exterminate all non-Daleks. They may have been present at the birth of Christ but for the intervention of The Doctor. We’ll never know for sure.
And to Zadok, Achim; and to Achim, Eliud;
And to Eliud was born Eleazar; and to Eleazar, Matthan; and to Matthan, [10]
10. A) Elvis
B) Jacob
C) Santa
The correct answer is B. Let’s be very clear. Santa was not in the line of Christ. Santa was not at the manger. There is no such thing as Santa.
And to Jacob was born Joseph the husband of Mary, by whom was born Jesus, who is called Christ.

Final note: Matthew’s genealogy of Christ is one of the few Biblical genealogies that mentions women, much less five of them (Rahab, Ruth, Tamar, Bathsheba, Mary), much less three of whom were in some way sexually deviant, either by choice, desperation, or force. This makes me like Matthew much better than Luke, who mentions in his genealogy of Christ not one woman, not even Mary.