Substitute “Baby’s First Words” in Case my Son’s Actual First Word Turns Out to be Profanity

Shift

Funk

Mister Funkster

Funk that shift, you shift-for-brains Mister Funkster.

Count

What a funky count.

Hiss

Crock

Mass

Dan

Dan Ick

Got Dan

Got Dan Ick

Pits

If that shifthead Mister Funkster keeps staring at my wife’s got Dan pits…Oh, you were just reading her t-shirt?

Got Dan, we got shiftfaced last night.

I’m losing patience with this crocksucker; now he keeps staring at my wife’s mass…Oh, yes. I agree; that is an interesting logo on the seat of her jeans.

Nigel (mispronounced so that it rhymes with Miguel)

You know you my Nigel.

What up, my Nigel?

You’se a fine Mister Funkster; why don’tcha back that mass up.

Beeyatch

Rion Amilcar Scott writes fiction all over the Dan place, tweets @reeamilcarscott and blogs at datsun flambe