Huckster: Anatomy Of An Advertising Professional's Brain

Many people think the brain of someone in advertising looks exactly like the brain of people in every other profession: grey, lumpy, lightening bolts down each side. But actually, our brains look quite different.

Take the shape, for instance. An advertising executive’s brain is not shaped in the traditional way, but rather in the shape of either a super-fast racecar or a racecar that is merely fast. The type of racecar depends on what day you were born and whether you were born in the daytime or at night. At what time were you born? If it was after 8 p.m. on a Saturday, then strap on that seatbelt, Mr. Andretti! Right?!

Most people’s brains are split into two sections: the right side and the left side. However, the brain of an advertising professional is split into three sections: the West, the East, and, between those two sections, Switzerland. Switzerland helps us speak a special language. I could teach you the language, but then I’d have to alregatate your stzpuretak.

Did you know that every advertising executive’s brain smells like maraschino cherries?

What is everyone’s favorite part of the human brain? The cerebellum, right? Well, believe it or not, we advertising professionals do not have a cerebellum. Instead, we have what’s called a cerebelum.

When an advertising professional is asked what he or she would change about his or her brain, the answer is usually the compass embedded in our hypothalamus because that thing is constantly breaking.

If you remove an advertising professional’s brain, put it up to your ear and listen to it, you probably need help.

I remember the first time I learned that my brain was different. My department head took me into one of the stalls in the bathroom, pushed the toilet handle three times, and a wall opened up before me, revealing a secret room. What was in the room, you ask? I can’t tell you, it’s classified. All I can say is that there was an entire team of scientists surrounded by mason jars filled with unusual specimens. The scientists were mixing liquids and turning them into steam. One of the scientists accidentally breathed in the steam and fell to the floor in a sweaty heap. He ended up being okay though, which is a good thing because I was told he was the Shaman. I noticed many of the beakers were labeled by species, some of which didn’t seem familiar to me. I was told that they were new species. I have pictures. I’ll try to post them later.

Obviously, the brain is a very complex organ, and we should all be thankful that we have one. Imagine if we didn’t!

In the end, I guess what we can take away from this is, in some ways, we’re all a lot more alike than we think and, in other ways, we’re not very alike at all.

AUTHOR’S NOTE: I’ve just been notified that I am not allowed to post pictures of the secret room.