Ya Girl Kool Emcee White Chicky-V, yo Discusses Her Use of the N-Word

What up my niggers and niggerettes?

My name Ya Girl Kool Emcee White Chicky-V, yo.

Niggers be getting that twisted an’ shit. Only wan’ take the middle part an’ don’ be tryin’ to say the whole thing. If you say any of the shit, you gotta say all the shit. My name ain’t no damn Emcee White Chicky-V. It’s Ya Girl Kool Emcee White Chicky-V, yo. And yes, the comma and the yo, lowercase, is a part of it.

An’ a niggerette like me can always tell when you fools is sayin’ it wrong. A comma denotes a pause in a sentence or a phrase, yo.

It may appear on first glance that the above is a picture of rappers Kreayshwan & V-Nasty of the White Girl Mob, but really the one on the right is Ya Girl Kool Emcee White Chicky-V, yo and the one on the left is Ya Girl Kool Emcee White Chicky-K, son. No offense, but these four rappers really do all look alike. Shortly after this picture was taken, Ya Girl Kool Emcee White Chicky-V, yo accidently shot off her tongue.

So you gotta pause. Ya Girl Kool Emcee White Chicky-V—Pause—yo. Otherwise it’s like you talking to someone named Ya Girl Kool Emcee White Chicky-V. And as we previously discussed, that ain’ me. Don’ be callin’ me out my name, yo. Say my name like my momma intended.

Yeah, that’s my real name. The one my momma gave me. Ya Girl Kool Emcee White Chicky-V, yo Smith. I’m the only bitch whose name is a dependent clause, yo. I don’t know why she named me dat, yo. I ain’ never ask her. She hardcore. Locked up in San Quentin right now. She so tough they locked her up with the men and she straight running that shit. I ain’ never ask her why she name me what she name me cuz she killed a man for asking dat shit. Dat’s why she locked up. I started to ask once when I was visitin’ her stankin’ ass and she give me this look like she was gonna break the 2-inch glass and snap my neck, yo.

I guess Big Momma White Chicky-V want me to be a rapper. Want me to get all that Gucci Gucci Louie Louie Fendi Fendi Prada an’ shit. And dat’s what happened. I’m jus’ a white girl from the hood who grew up to be a famous rapper and now niggers want to defame me. They hatin’. Straight hatin’. I be digressin’, yo. Getting all discursive an’ shit. Let me get to my point. Why I’m out here speakin’ how I’m speakin’.

Some of y’alls is mad about me using the word nigger. Like I ain’ earned the right. You don’ know my struggle. Sometimes I walk into a deli and I order a bagel an’ shit and they don’ be toastin’ it cuz they think niggers from the hood don’ like that toasted shit. Make me wan’ to get mad and start wreckin’ shit. I’m from the hood, yo. I’m gangsta. I shot more sheriffs than Eric Clapton. I’m stupidfreshdope. That’s why I got the right to say the word.

People keep sayin’ I’m actin’ like a modern-day minstrel. Like Al Jolson an’ shit. Like Al Jolson ever could bust rhymes the way I bust them, yo. I ain’ singing no nigger songs wearing no blackface. Wait, hol’ up. I need to write that down. Man, me in blackface on my album cover an’ in my videos an’ on stage? Daaaaam! Dat’s hot, son.

You know who y’all need to get mad at? Y’all need to get mad at them suburban niggers who be sayin’ dat shit. That offend me. Sometimes I hear a black person from some little fuckin’ cul-de-sac community talking about nigger this and nigger that and I be gettin’ so mad like, Nigger, you don’t know my struggle. You ain’t from the hood. You ain’t stupidfreshdope. You don’t know how to kick mad styles. What right you got saying that shit? Huh? You don’t know how my people have suffered. People like me can’t get no jobs. My people got triple the unemployment of our non-stupidfreshdope counterparts. I’m too gangsta for employment, yo. I go into fill out applications and niggers be hatin’. Lookin’ at me like I’m some alien, yo. Haters hatin’ on me cuz I’m so stupidfreshdope. Mad folks be discrimihatin’. Black folks is the ones who’s the most racist against my people. I just be shakin my head at the irony, yo.

All them black folks hatin’ on me about this nigger-word probably went to college an’ shit. Probably made the dean’s list. That ain’ being on some real nigger shit. You want to know how real I am? I’m so real that even though I wrote this shit, I can’t read it cuz I don’t know how to read. That’s some real shit.

Don’ get me started. I could stand here kickin’ mad science to you niggers all day, but I ain’ gonna do that. I’ma let you stand around and be all ignorant an’ shit. But I will say this: I got a album comin’ out. It’s stupidfreshdope. I call it: On Some Real Nigger Shit To the Extreme StupidFreshDope Chillin’ Ice Boyeee. It’s a problem. Instead of worrying about the words I say, you need to worry about that because a niggerette like me is about to blow up like that nigger Elvis and ain’t nothin’ you can do to stop it. I’ma leave you niggers on some shit like that. One. Bong. Peace. And all dat, shit. Peace.

Rion Amilcar Scott writes fiction all over the damn place, tweets @reeamilcarscott and blogs at datsun flambe.