Huckster: A Frank Introduction To The Ad Agency Production Meeting

When someone asks me what I do for a living, I tell him or her I’m a writer at an advertising agency. I could say that I’m a copywriter at an advertising agency, but there have been too many instances in which the person to whom I’m speaking replies with something like, “Oh, you put those little circle-c’s next to words to protect people’s ideas?” One time I told the stranger who said that, “Exactly,” and he made this mouth movement as if he silently burped and that was the end of that. Things suddenly felt awkward. We were both waiting for the other person to continue the conversation, only to realize that neither of us could think of anything else to say. Puts circle-c’s on things. Cool. Okay, see you later.

The truth is, there are times when I wish that were my job description, and those times are usually on Monday mornings, when half the agency jails itself in the conference room for the production meeting, an ironic name to say the least. Rarely is anything truly produced, with the exception, perhaps, of vendettas. The production meeting is where we talk about the week’s work as well as who should eat shit and die.

Okay, I’m exaggerating on that last part. But still, many days, you can walk into that conference room with a pen and paper and walk out with only the pen jammed upright into the back of your hand. Some people are lucky enough to leave the meeting early. Sometimes, an outgoing person passes an incoming person, the former with a look of relief, the latter looking like Han Solo right before he gets cryogenically frozen. In a strange, twisted way, I sometimes hope a little tension does arise in the meeting, at least for a few minutes. I don’t watch hockey, but I imagine the feeling I get is akin to hoping a fight breaks out on the ice. No sane person wants outright chaos in the world, but controlled chaos? Well, I’m okay with that. I mean, nobody’s going to actually murder anyone, so we can put that worry to rest.

Here’s the thing: the production meeting is not only where jobs and deadlines are assigned, it’s also where the reasoning for each job is constructively critiqued. Is this job necessary? Are we handling this job the right way? Is there a better way? And critiques can hurt, even when they are constructive. As a fiction writer (my night job, you could say), I’m used to being openly critiqued. I’m certainly used to being rejected, and I have the Excel spreadsheet and intermittent depression to prove it. Being openly critiqued is never easy, but you can get used to it.

Now would be a good time to mention that this is the nature of the business, no matter which agency you’re at. Advertising is a fast-paced and high-stress business. And the thing is, people can be really passionate and sometimes those passions can make you happy as a clam as you go about your day and, other times, you’ll feel as if you just ate a clam contaminated with campylobacter. In other words, if you don’t have thick skin, perhaps advertising isn’t for you.

Amazingly, once the dust settles after leaving the production meeting, everyone is okay with each other. And what do we do the following Monday but waltz right back into that meeting as if we completely forgot what happened just seven days ago.

Someone in my agency once said, in an ironic way (to get a laugh), “We’re going to get through this year if it kills us.” Funny and, in certain ways, true. But first, we have to get through the production meeting, even if it means a self-imposed stab wound to the back of the hand.