Potty Mouth

Strangers in public restrooms lend to memorable moments, which sometimes inspire my writing. While relieving myself at a supermarket urinal today, a gentleman’s phone conversation echoed from a stall:

Did you return that movie I left on the table? Damnit! Redbox is gonna keep charging the card…. I thought you were picking her up. I’m working over today and tomorrow. I told you that! I. TOLD. YOU. Do I have to send a goddamn text?!

My friends are well aware of my affinity for making calls on the toilet, but perhaps he should have sent a goddamn text. Scolding spouses must ease bowel movements because things sounded smooth thereafter.

I have heard of Republicans and truck drivers who use foot-tapping techniques to solicit sex in stalls, so I walk softly in rest areas. I don’t shake it more than twice. Once at a truck stop, a guy sounded like he was two-steppin. I left without washing my hands.

I wonder how many quarters there are in condom dispensers, if the rulers attached to gas station bathroom keys have measured anything.

People become uninhibited in these places. The anonymity sets people free to piss on the floor, to scatter Christian literature, to scrawl confessions, phone numbers, rants, snot. Bathroom walls are like the ancestors of YouTube commentary.

What are your experiences with public bathrooms? What have you seen, heard?