una parda, which is me

By India González

parda (feminine): a general term used in the spanish colonies of the americas that referred to the mixed-bloods whose ancestry could almost never be accurately described. for our purposes here, it is being used in reference to the multi-racial descendants of africans, natives, and europeans.

i am a perpetual pardon
i limp into the room &
you say: fox woman get out!
 smudge it & start again

i am naked & without clothing
i am the roasted house slave
i am the white man’s leftovers
i am the white woman’s hate
i am the high highfalutin rape
 smudge it & start again

i get seasick now that i’m older
the colonial in me is wearing away
but i still have that candle in the eye
called bloodlust
those kleptomaniac grabbers
it must have felt good wearing all that gold
i am a broke down ship la niña
 smudge it & start again

nobody is a purebred anymore
i’m precocious mutt
i know all about the small living quarters for
tender-tribed-people like me
the people-with-too-many-ancestors-inside-of-us
we have now painted our living room
we chose the color of bloodied-up hide
we chose us

in the end i screech during childbirth
my husband takes off down the hall
like meaty antelope man
my skin is slick with sweat

i’m telling you it feels good to be this naked
forgive me you who are so fully clothed

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India Lena González is a poet, educator, artist, and Sagittarius. She received her BA from Columbia University, where she graduated with honors, and is a recent MFA graduate from NYU’s creative writing program. She is the current Raab Editorial Fellow at Poets & Writers. In addition to her passion for writing, India is also a professionally trained dancer, choreographer, and actor. She lives in Harlem with her beloved twin.