“Disappear Behind Us” by Marianne Colahan was a great addition to our December Issue.

1. What would you hunt?

If I had to hunt? If it was my job to be a huntress? I’d be terrible at it. I’d prefer to hunt fruits and vegetables.  What I’m saying is that I’d be a much better gatherer, if it came down to it. I’d prefer to outsource my hunting to someone with an actual skill set, and maybe some courage.

2. Are you in need of a mountain man to guide you?

A mountain man isn’t a bad thing to have around occasionally. If you are hunting (or theoretically hunting)—like I was in this story—that’s an occasion when a mountain man is useful. Additionally, if you are lost in the woods, a mountain man is a good thing to have with you. Compasses are good too, and they talk less. But on a normal day in my life? No, I am not in need of a mountain man to guide me. He’d be less than helpful in my cubicle and potentially smelly. Speaking in generalities, of course.

3. How would you hide the body?

Of the mountain man? I wasn’t planning on hunting him. Continue reading →

This great story, “All You Need is Love (and a Job (Or Maybe Not a Job)),” by Robb Todd was published in the December Issue.

1. What would be the most inappropriate costume you would wear on Halloween?

There’s such a thing? I dunno. I can only steal a story about a lady I met who went as Jackie Kennedy, which sounds very chic, but she went as Jackie Kennedy in the back of the black Lincoln in Dallas a few seconds after the shots were fired. Brilliant costume. If I ever throw together an inappropriate costume, I must try to top that. Might not be possible.

2. What is it that you need the most?

A stockpile of paper towels and air freshener. That seems to be my retirement plan, too.

3. How is watching a parade instead of being in it an example of not living?

It’s the difference between being a participant and a spectator. Parades are unbelievably boring—unless you are in them. I do not understand why anyone would stand on the sidewalk and watch. If you live in New York and don’t do the Halloween Parade at least once, you might suck. Anyone can make her life better just by deciding to live it. It doesn’t take much. Go march in a parade. Continue reading →

In December, we published Four Poems by Lisa Marie Basile from “Andalucia”. You can read the four poems here and buy the book here.

1. How does no one mean to carry their burdens to good places?

The first time I left the country I experienced the self-damaging nature of my psyche.  I realized we are responsible for the prolonging of our own suffering, and that is hard for me, as I was born a then-Catholic, blood-lusting, grudge-holding Italian.

I have had suffered from ‘fear’ for all of my life — fear of my own desires, fear to get onto a plane, fear of failure, fear of not being able to navigate life fully in another language, fear of exploration.

One day I bought a ticket to Mexico. I would be there for about a month. I sat on the steps of a Cathedral at noon. There were perfect trees and stray dogs sitting beside me, and the whole place was conducive to some perceived-holiness that is, whether you are religious or not, purifying. Here were people whose money bought them almost nothing. They managed to remain happy enough in many ways.

But I still was sad.  I felt as though I recreated the location as a funnel for my pain rather than letting the place’s beauty exist on its own. So, we do burden some ‘good places’ with what we carry there. I think it is important to learn to separate the outside world from our inside worlds.

In the case of Andalucia, I thought a lot about how we (‘we’ used generally) burden an inherently beautiful world with what feels like never-ending sexism and self-degradation and repetitive negative behaviors.  I wanted to show Andalucia as a sort of surreal makeup of limbo, utopia and the underworld (it is what we make of it) populated with our own human forms of evil — the injustices we place on others and allow to be placed upon ourselves.

In short, stop shitting where you eat.

2. If white people’s skin is their jewelry, what kind of jewelry? What would be the black market value?

What about the value of the human heart? They are all the same color and they’re like oversized pocket watches. If “the rapture” collected the souls of everyone who saw their skin as some valued accessory rather than one aspect of their identity, sadly there’d be a lot of people left here on earth.  I hate the idea of punishment, but if the “devil” didn’t support ignorance and racism, they would all probably be be skinned alive.

3. Would you rather conquer or be conquered?

Last night I embodied ‘Wrath’ at a 7 Deadly Sins poetry reading. I carried around a faux vintage musket and I loved it. I’d rather conquer, but I think being conquered makes for better writing. Continue reading →

Catherine Campbell’s “Ways To Swim” was published in December. Now, Catherine takes the time to answer some questions.

1. What CD would you include in an insemination kit?

Elton John’s “Goodbye Yellow Brick Road.”

2. Who would you carry a baby for?

Across the street? Well, anyone I suppose. In this uterus? The shortlist would include: my two sisters, a couple of close friends and Kate Winslet.

3. Why are men abandoning their children in fiction? Why can’t women do it more often?

Men have to go fight dragons and shit. Women…wait. You know what? There’s no reason why women can’t abandon their children in fiction—liberation is at hand! Female characters, leave those needy bastards in the crawlspace with some Cheerios and a jug of milk and go fight some dragons! It’s for equality! Continue reading →

In December there was “Dr. Moreau’s Pet Shop” by Gregory Wolos.

1. What songs would be on the first album of Dr. Moreau’s Pet Shop Boys?

“My Sweet M’ling”; “Kiko in the Dumps”; “Svidridgaylov’s Dream”; “Fay Wray Fay”; “Lost Soul Growl.”

2.What does being fresh out of rehab look like?

Do you remember the scene when Hamlet confronts Gertrude in her bed chamber after he exposes Claudius with the “play within a play”? In short order the prince (1) screams at his mother and drags her in front of a mirror so she can see how awful she is; (2) kills Polonius; (3) has a conversation with the ghost of his father, whom his mom neither sees nor hears. “Fresh out of rehab” is how I imagine Gertrude looks the moment her son exits her bed chamber, Polonius’s guts in tow.

3. What animal would you like to be spliced with?

Not a winged thing, because I’m afraid of heights, nor a water-dweller, because I’m afraid of drowning—I value my irrational fears, and I’m threatened by the possibility that they might be overcome by an injudicious splicing. I’m not eager to attract attention, so I don’t want to hook up with anything that would yield superfluous plumage or webbing. I think, for a couple of reasons, maybe I’d like to be spliced with a wisent. A wisent is a European bison; it resembles the American buffalo. My first reason for considering a wisent-splice is that the species is protected. What could be safer than merging my flesh with something that it would be illegal to harm? The second reason for splicing with a wisent is that I recently slaughtered one in a story, and my conscience would be eased by offering it a partial resurrection. Continue reading →

These Two Poems by Lisa Bellamy were published in November. In regards to all kinds of things, Lisa answers our questions.

1. What puppet or Muppet would you assassinate? Why would they have it coming?

Plenty of puppets have it coming!  I am thinking in particular of Jump-Jump the Clown, a malevolent puppet in my second-grade classroom who smirked each time I got in trouble with the teacher—but I advocate rehabilitation.  I believe every troubled puppet can be turned around and that No Puppet Should Be Left Behind.

2. What type of vehicle would best represent your self-esteem?

The American Quarter Horse, which excels at short distances especially flash fiction.

3. Who is your favorite Old Testament character? Would you dress as them for Halloween?

Balaam’s talking donkey.  And yes, if what I had to say was even 10% asinteresting as what that donkey had to say. Continue reading →

The great story, “So, They Are Not Wholly Defenseless”, by Justin Anderson was in the December Issue. Justin answers interesting questions with interesting answers.

1. What suit do you wear when you have dinner?

Clubs.

No, really, I’m from the Northern Panhandle of West Virginia. Steel mills. Railroads. Coal mines. Where I come from, we avoid wearing suits. Suits are placed under suspicion. I used to have to wear one to work every day when I was a journalist at the West Virginia Capitol and it made me feel highfalutin and delicate. All I did was worry about getting the thing dirty with lunch. Nowadays, I tend to show up to the dinner table in a pair of Wranglers and a white undershirt. Sometimes I’ll have changed into my slippers.

2. What time do you normally dine?

Between six-thirty, seven-ish on weekdays. It depends on the menu. The more complicated the repast, the later we eat. Soup and sandwiches? Six-thirty. Meatloaf? Seven-ish.

Jambalaya pasta, you say? That’s solely a weekend dish. Continue reading →

In November, this poem titled “Man Who Lost His Wife at the Knife-Throwing Show” by Matthew Mogavero. Matthew gives us some answeres here.

1. How could you lose your wife at a gun show?

Girls don’t like guns.

2. What is your weapon of choice?

A hammer. Actually, I’m gonna list everything I imagined killing people with: a hammer, a screwdriver, a machete, a shovel, a crowbar, a piece of metal rod from a fence, a rebar, a broken bottle, my fingers, my heels, a brick, and uh… a knife. Happy? A knife.

3. Have you ever dated someone just for research purposes?

Isn’t that what dating starts out as? Then after ascertaining what you can from the observations you decide if you want it to continue or reach its quietus. Continue reading →

John Sealy’s “Then Come Home to Settle” was in the December Issue. Here, Jon answers questions about deal breaking movies amongst other topics.

1. Can you really tell college aged women based on the size of their beer guts?

“In Fairytales” by Emma Torzs was a part of the December Issue. Emma answers questions about secrets, poetry and fascination.

1. Do you ever shout at a protagonist in a fairy tale to not go in the castle/village/wolf’s mouth?

Nah. Unlike real life, their bad choices often result in marriage and riches and heightened social status, so who am I to judge? Especially in the newfangled stories — the wolf’s mouth is actually the mouth of a prince, or the creepy village is actually a glittering Wal-Mart, etc. The old-fashioned tales can be dangerous stuff, true, but therein lies the appalling fun of it. And I am all for fun. All for fun and fun for all! That’s my motto.