Atlas

By Laurie Ann Guerrero

Redwork embroidery on cotton by Laurie Ann Guerrero (author)

(1) Supraorbital & Zygomatic bones: Brow and cheek.
Cradle for the eye: my mother. (2a) Elephants I carry in the order
of my lower teeth: grace as grandmother. (3) Mindfulness: bone
& tissue of the nape, pushing upward into the brain & down
the spine, to the elbows & shoulder blades.  (10) Lovemaking:
Atlas bone, holding up the globe of the head: venom
made in the marrow—where it often crawls onto the tongue.
(5) Bullies rest heavy on the shoulders, but, too my brother,
fighting for us—close to the ear: saying and not saying
everything. (4) Clavicle: I carry my father here: borderline
between what he claims and what he can’t: my brain,
my body. (9a) I wake from dreams wielding the blades
of my shoulders. (11) In my breasts, milk that soothes the hunger
to despise those who envy their ability. They are a revolution
unto themselves. (7) Betrayal lives just under the ribs:
what I have done. What you have done to me. (6) My spine
grew from fear, is a snake: Rattler. Guns live here, too.
(14) Whole belly: laughter & singing: the center. We do not
speak of money here. No currency needed. (12) Lovemaking:
crest of the ilium & whole belly laughter, whole belly
song. (8) Here is where I tremble: coccyx, the rattle. 
(13) Little hare: indifference.                 Or Buddha.
(2b) Grandmother as inherited muscle memory
in my hands: mend. (15) Knees: where I will not
let you take me. (9b) Loaded barrel of my calves. (16)
Lovemaking: Achilles, my children: the birthing of warriors.
(17) Sole: from where my kiss comes; root.


Laurie Ann Guerrero was born and raised in the Southside of San Antonio and is the author of Tongue in the Mouth of the Dying (Notre Dame 2013) and A Crown for Gumecindo (Aztlan Libre 2015). Her latest collection, I Have Eaten the Rattlesnake: New & Selected is forthcoming in fall 2020 (TCU Press). She was appointed Poet Laureate of San Antonio in 2014, the Poet Laureate of State of Texas in 2016,and is the Writer-in-Residence at Texas A&M University-San Antonio.

Anthology of Wild Flowers

By Valerie Virginia Vargas

I grew lovesick—and all I could do was eat flowers.
I started picking buttercups and dropped the buttons
on my tongue. Once I started I couldn’t stop.
I’d melt, then find myself near fences and meadows
with overgrown grass long after curfew, tea candles
and match sticks to guide me. I picked as many
as I could and hid them in my fur, behind my ears.
I split myself everyday just to know I could have them.
My fur was yellowing, I would hiccup and butter
would bubble from my mouth. The sky used to drop
nails on me and it stopped sobbing for a while.
My grandma started to notice my restlessness, she
watched me hop outside after dinner one day said,
¿digame mija, cuando vas a dejar de comer flores silvestres?
She even started to vary our meals: sprinkle Spanish
needles on salads and boil hojas de llantén for tea
but they weren’t buttercups. I grew hungry, nothing
tasted anymore. The ground was shaking again and
the marshes began to drought like my eyes and redden.
The sky cracked in half, I started to dig and dig and
dig and dig and dig and dig until the ground caved
in and my paws caught the water rushing in its mouth.


Valerie Virginia Vargas is a Venezuelan-American poet and printmaker from South Florida. Her work explores womanhood, ecology, and folklore. She is an MFA candidate in poetry at the University of Notre Dame. Her work can be found in Jellyfish Magazine and is forthcoming in TYPO Magazine

My Mother Sees Fireflies

By Saúl Hernández

She stands outside, watches

            the roof of the house incinerate

                        like newspaper caught on fire.


Copper chloride flares flash

            bloom into a blaze. I watch

                        behind her, the shimmers remind me 


of grandfather. How he lit a cigarette,

            how flames touched the tip, how he

                        inhaled smoke, let out fire. Isn’t it beautiful,


she says. The firestorm brews and

            she laughs at sounds of sirens.

                        The roof of our house collapses,


sparks flutter into the air. 

            She laughs harder, speckles

                        of ash fall on us, she twirls,


spirals of fire. People watch her—

            my mother the firework show.

                        She keeps on repeating, Ya soy libre.


Ya soy libre. Ya soy libre, papá— libre.

            She turns, grabs my hands, tells me: dance

                        with me. We spin in circles, our burning


house blurs into a field of hibiscus flowers.

            Mother lets go of my hands, I catch my balance.

                        Flakes of debris come down, she tells me to


make a wish on one of the fireflies.

            I close my eyes, mother sings the song she

                        played in the house the day her father died:


Y volver volver, volver

            a tus brazos otra vez.


author photo Saul Hernandez

Saúl Hernández is a queer writer from San Antonio, TX. He was raised by undocumented parents. Saúl has an MFA in Creative Writing from The University of Texas at El Paso. He’s a finalist for Palette Poetry 2020 Spotlight Award. Also, a finalist for the 2019 Submerging Writer Fellowship, Fear No Lit. His work is featured in Pidgeonholes, The Acentos Review, Cosmonauts Avenue, Borderlands: Texas Poetry Review, etc. More of him at www.saulhernandez.net 

Dispatch

By Suzanne Frischkorn


Suzanne Frischkorn is a Cuban-American poet and the author of Lit WindowpaneGirl on a Bridge, and five chapbooks. She is the recipient of the Aldrich Poetry Award for her chapbook Spring Tide, selected by Mary Oliver, an Emerging Writers Fellowship from the Writer’s Center for her book Lit Windowpane, and an Individual Artist Fellowship from the Connecticut Commission on Culture and Tourism. She serves on the Terrain.org Editorial Board.

They Should Warn You Before You Are Born With Brown Skin

By Vanessa Escobar

Our first year in Georgia was tough. There was no place
for brown skin among the red clay. I can still see the face
of the girl who spits in my hair. The boy who shoves me
into the handrail, who cries with me when he realizes
what he’s done.

The long bouncing curls of my 5th grade reading partner
who makes fun of the way I speak. Her friend who pulls me
aside in private to apologize for the behavior but never stops it
when it happens. My first-grade teacher, her voice
as sweet and slow as molasses when she tells my parents
she’s failing me for not being able to speak English better.

My second year in Georgia I learned how to stay silent
so white people could like me. I stopped speaking Spanish
and buried it deep inside. My mother sat with me every night
while I read books in English out loud over and over until
I no longer messed up the words.

In high school when I have one of the highest scores
for my class in the state’s writing test there are whispers
among my classmates: “I didn’t even know she could read.”
I am ashamed when I hear this. My 11th grade teacher quickly
pulls me aside in the lunchroom. Waves her hand over
the crowd and says: “Vanessa, there is more than this.
Please know there is more than this.”

After 9/11 the kids in my brother’s third grade class
pin him down. He’s that terrorist brown they see on the tv.
He is frantic, terrified, can’t breathe, says the only thing
that will make them stop: “I’ll blow this school up.”
He is suspended and the white boys get to stay.

My mother pleads with the teacher, that he was just
trying to defend himself. The school says he’s violent,
needs medicine, needs therapy. My brother is a zombie
for the next few years.  Quiet and compliant, how
they like brown boys to be. Until my mother misses
her son, throws the medicine away, brings my brother back.

A decade later when I get the text that he tests positive
for Coronavirus, I take off running from the coffee shop.
I get home and scream. Throw my cup at the wall.
Watch the liquid stain the white, prepare myself
to lose him again.


Vanessa Escobar is a 31-year-old queer Latinx poet living the corporate America life but always dreaming of something more. She’s in love with the city of Houston despite no desire to live in the South. She has a nefarious, escape artist dog named Stella and is currently at work on her first book of poems. You can find her at escobarvanessa.com.

Marco Polo

By Elaine Barnard

“Marco,” he called into the desert darkness.

“Polo,” his brother sang back as they shifted the mattress between them. It was a new mattress for the new residents in the new condo surrounding the new swimming pool. It was night but Marco and Polo were still drenched from an afternoon of hauling. Sweat ran in rivulets down their shiny black hair and into their torn T-shirts, finally soaking their flip-flops until their toes squeaked.

“We should get real shoes for this job,” Marco laughed as he shifted the bulky end of the mattress.

“On whose pay check?” 

“The one we missed, Polo.”

Palms drooped beneath the desert moon as they tramped the gravel leading to the condos.

“We could sure use that flashlight, Polo.”

“It’s in the truck.”

“Just the place for it. Something wrong with your head? ”

“Nothing wrong with my head, Marco that a cool swim couldn’t cure.”

“You don’t know how to swim so how could a swim cure anything?”

“I’m going back to the truck. Get the light.”

“Don’t be stupid. We’re almost at the condo.”

“We’re far away from their door and you know it.” Polo dropped his end of the mattress.

“Okay-okay bro but be back in a flash. Those people want to go to bed. No mattress, no bed and no pay.”

“Now you see me, now you don’t.”

Marco heard his brother skid up the path. He wiped his brow, fanned himself with his grimy baseball cap. He hated this job. Hated this work, this night, this desert, this moon. He wanted to go to the big city where electric lights blazed everywhere and horns honked and taco trucks lined the streets selling enchiladas and beef burritos, guacamole and beer, lots of beer. When they finish this job, get all the mattresses in all the condos they’ll take off for LA. They’ll board the bus and sing to the pretty ladies.

By the time they reach LA, they’ll each have one on their arm. They’ll buy them a rose at the station, stroll them over the freeway, waving to the blinking autos below. The sound of the traffic will be a lullaby. They’ll lead their ladies under the overpass, nestling with them for the night. In the morning they’ll buy coffee from the cart on the corner and send them on their way or maybe ask them to stay and help make a home beneath the freeway from newspapers and old magazines, cardboard boxes and plastic bags for when it rains. It would be a good life, a nice life until– Then it might be back where they came from, those long hungry  journeys beneath the stars. His stomach rumbled. They hadn’t eaten since yesterday. Once they get their money they’ll–

“Marco…Marco…”

From somewhere he heard him. His brother was somewhere.  “Where are you?” he yelled. “Polo I’m coming. Where are you?”

He let the mattress fall beneath the palms and started back along the path to the truck. Polo must be there by now.

Then, as he neared the swimming pool, he  saw the ripples. A white baseball cap floated beneath a tired moon.  There would be no pay tonight.


Elaine Barnard‘s collection of stories. The Emperor of Nuts: Intersections Across Cultures was recently published by New Meridian Arts and noted as a unique book on the Snowflakes in a Blizzard website. In 2019, she won first place in Strands International Flash Fiction competition. Her work has been published in numerous literary journals. She has been nominated for the Pushcart Prize and Best Small Fiction. She was a finalist for Best of Net. She received her MFA from the University of California, Irvine.

Riding the Barrio Hemispheres

By Michael Berton


Michael Berton has two poetry books. Man! You Script the Mic. (2013) and No Shade In Aztlan (2015). His work has appeared in Caveat Lector, Shot Glass Journal, Indefinite Space, Sin Fronteras Journal, The Opiate, Hinchas de Poesia, Cold Noon, Volt, And/Or, Texas Poetry Calendar (2016), Ouroboros, Gargoyle, Venereal Kittens, The Acentos Review, Talking River Review and others. Originally from El Paso, Texas he currently lives in Portland, Oregon. He can be reached via email.

To the Border Crossers: It’s Time to Start Biting Their Tongues Instead of Ours

By Julián Esteban Torres López

Who here has played chess? Ajedrez? Now, who can tell me what is the most powerful piece on the chessboard? Now here’s a question: How did it come to be that a game played mostly by men for nearly two thousand years evolve to have a woman as its most powerful piece? The answer, I came to find out, was not that surprising all.

According to Marilyn Yalom in her book Birth of the Chess Queen: A History, it appears the modern move of the queen began in what is now known as Spain during the reign of Isabella the First. Her power may have inspired the move, which combined the roles of the bishop and the rook. From here, the move quickly spread outside Spanish borders for two reasons:

First, the Gutenberg press had by this time reached the Iberian Peninsula, which facilitated the printing of new chess books.

Second, the 1492 Alhambra decree ordered the expulsions of approximately 200,000 Jews from Spain, who then carried the new version of chess with them as they departed. This, of course, was also the very same queen who sent Christopher Columbus that very same year to what is now known as the Americas and the Caribbean.

This Isabella-inspired chess became known as the “queen’s chess” to some and “madwoman’s chess” to others. Sadly, but not surprising, though, it appears there was an aggressive response to this new rule that gave so much power to a woman, more power than any other piece on the chessboard. The adverse reaction to this revolutionary change to the game ranged from anxiety to straight-up abuse against women. All over a game. Regarding and accepting a woman as powerful was a threat to the traditional patriarchy.

The first step toward accepting a woman as powerful is imagining her as powerful.

Chess, interestingly enough, may have done more for women’s rights than many of us normally consider because for hundreds of years it was one of the only places where not only did women have power, but men wanted to be them.

Out of the barbarity and evil that came out of Isabella’s Spanish Inquisition and genocide and enslavement of the indigenous populations of the Americas during Spanish conquest and the trans-Atlantic kidnapping and human trafficking it led to thereafter, this other specific border crossing—of the Queen’s role re-imagined on the chessboard—got me thinking about the power of symbols, the power of imagination, and the power of stories to transform culture. And, once culture is transformed, politics tend to follow.

Giving a voice to the undervalued and overlooked is a very personal thing for me. After immigrating to the US from Colombia as a child, it was very easy to have self-hatred and low expectations. More than half of TV shows and movies represented, and still represent, other Latinx individuals, like me, predominantly as criminals, and the rest as janitors, maids, gardeners, and machos trying to impregnate your daughters. Our intelligence has been judged on our competency of the English language. I cannot stress how important it is to have good role models and people to look up to and to recognize yourself in the stories society and the mainstream deem as good, valuable, and worthy of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

We must recognize the kind of damage such racist and xenophobic caricatures do not only to the Latinx community, to BIPOC, to immigrants, to women, foreigners, to all Others, but also to society as a whole. Talented people are overlooked, divisions are drawn, people (including ourselves) stop dreaming, we become scared of our neighbors, hatred sets in, enemy camps are created, and, as a result, instead of working together toward a better future, we (as a society) spend most of the time, instead, afraid, ashamed, resentful, disgusted, angered, and in fear of ghosts that don’t really exist. All negative and debilitating things.

As an immigrant Other, the only show I remember watching growing up in New Hampshire where I actually felt I could see myself in and gave me hope was Ghostwriter. Some of you may remember it. It was a children’s mystery television series on PBS that aired in the early- to mid-1990s set in Brooklyn. With the help of an invisible ghost, a group of close-knit friends solved neighborhood crimes. The group was diverse: Asian, Black, Latinx, etc. It was my favorite show. It gave me the confidence and boost I can only imagine non-racialized minorities, non-people of color—that is to say white folks—in the United States feel daily when they consume most mainstream media. I loved this show. Its last episode aired over 20 years ago, and I still think about it and the impact it had on my life.

There was even a character who was a war vet who was homeless, and he was a poet. He would make money composing poems for people who would walk by. In a way, this show gave me permission to become a poet, to become a writer … a thinker who could solve problems and the mysteries of my own world. I wanted to move to Brooklyn because of it.

One of the producers of the show many years later revealed during an interview that the ghost in the show—the actual ghostwriter—was a “runaway” enslaved person during the US Civil War. He had taught other enslaved folks how to read and write but was later killed by police and their dogs. His soul was kept in a book until one of the kids in the show opened the book, thereby freeing the enslaved. In an indirect way, this former enslaved Other, this “ghostwriter,” freed me to become who I could be in a way nothing else had at the time.

As I reflected on the show, I realized that one way to empower ourselves is by changing our perspectives and taking control of our narratives, telling our own stories through our voices and not through the lenses of groups who cannot speak for us or who used (and continue to use) us as a prop to either make money, entertain themselves, make themselves feel better about themselves, exploit us, or justify their own prejudices.

The dominant narratives tend to benefit those who have had traditional power and influence over society. Yet, sometimes all we need to change or disrupt power relations is not a new policy or the overhaul of an existing system (which, of course, are highly needed), but also realizing the power those traditionally labeled as powerless have. Identifying these blind spots is crucial, and one of the best places to start is by challenging commonplace and conventional assumptions about relationships, about power. Power in the sense of increasing our relative capacities to generate effective action in our worlds. Ghostwriter empowered me.

With The Nasiona, the social justice storytelling organization I founded and run, we share stories that explore the spectrum of human experience and give us a glimpse into different, foreign, and at times extraordinary worlds. In short, we humanize the Other. The stories I am most interested in amplifying are those of the systematically marginalized … the undervalued, the overlooked, the silenced, and the forgotten. The ghostwriters. I want The Nasiona to have the kind of impact Ghostwriter had on me. I want The Nasiona to have the kind of impact the queen on the chessboard had on the culture and how it allowed those who played the game to imagine, in many cases for the first time, a woman having power. I want it to have the kind of power an honest, vulnerable, courageous, and real conversation between friends who care about each other can have.

I read something the other day by civil rights activist and co-founder of the #BlackLivesMatter movement, Alicia Garza, that stuck with me. She said that “Every successful social movement in the country’s history has used disruption as a strategy to fight for social change. Whether it was the Boston Tea Party to the sit-ins at lunch counters throughout the South, no change has been won without disruptive action.”

This got me to thinking that if you, if we, the border crossers, the immigrants, the sons and daughters of those who have been Othered, who have been marginalized, of those of us labeled as undesirables from shithole countries, if us Latinx peoples want things to change in this country, in this time in history, it will most likely come through making people uncomfortable, especially when there are so many out there who don’t want things to change. As Martin Luther King, Jr., once stated, “Freedom is never voluntarily given by the oppressor; it must be demanded by the oppressed.”

Consider this event this afternoon our list of demands. Demands to be heard. Demands to be centered. Demands to be seen as fully human worthy of the same rights and privileges bestowed upon so many others who reside in the United States.

For many years, for many decades, for many centuries, we’ve been regarded as savages, as beasts of burden, as needing to be purified, civilized, sterilized, and more recently we have been deemed by the current president as criminals and rapists. All of these labels create stories, create narratives in the minds of people that then are turned into stereotypes and caricatures and expectations that we—individuals and communities from Latin America or descendants from Latin America—have to shoulder and navigate.

We come to the starting line without being given the benefit of the doubt, but, instead, are drowning in a sea of fear and hatred, and are, as a result, forced to prove ourselves to not be these negative stereotypes—these criminals or drug dealers—to simply be taken seriously and respected. We are working against institutions, structures, systems, politics, culture, and deeply ingrained prejudices against us that go back hundreds of years. What I am saying, I am sure, is nothing new to you.

If I were to take a roll call to see who here has experienced some form of racism or xenophobia just in the past week, I am sure a wave of hands would be extended in the air. And I am sure there are many of us who have bitten our tongues when we have instead wanted to say, “Fuck you” to, in my case, the English teacher who treated me like and called me an animal, or the football coach who called me a Spic.

“Fuck you” I wanted to say to all of those since my teenage years who have treated me like someone—some thing—lesser because of my brown skin or my surnames or because I was not born here; to those who decided to not sit next to me on the bus, to those who clutched their purses or crossed the street when I approached in the mall or on the sidewalk; to those who have been surprised that I am articulate when I opened my mouth to speak; to those who were surprised to learn I have held leadership positions; to those who treat me as a servant simply because they think that people who look like me are put on this world to serve people who look like them; to those people who have screamed “White Power!” in my face with fists in the air and anger in their eyes, threatening me to not enter a restaurant because people like me, people like us, “do not belong” here.

What I am saying, I am sure, is nothing new to you.

So, the question becomes, how do we change the stories, change the narratives, change the culture, so people hear us, center us, and see us the way we see and want to see ourselves? So we are treated not like humans but as humans, with the respect we so rightfully deserve.

One thing we can do, which may not seem like a big thing but can have a big impact if we all decide today to collaborate on this project, is to no longer hold our tongues and to tell our stories as often and as creatively as possible.

In February of 2019, I interviewed researcher, artist, and writer Mireya S. Vela for my podcast. She said so many things I have thought about daily since I met with her. She said that breaking through some of the stereotypes requires a lot of imagination. She said you cannot have empathy without imagination. She said you have got to be able to imagine people in all of these different roles. How can people say Latinx individuals are not more than what they see on TV if they look around and see that we are also more than the country’s nannies, farmworkers, pool boys, gardeners, etc. More than drug dealers, rapists, and criminals. We are also business owners, doctors, judges, politicians, scientists, professors, lifeguards, engineers, artists, poets, novelists, race car drivers, cowboys, police officers, teachers, students, musicians, and on and on and on.

Ms. Vela said, “You have to be able to imagine this stuff.” She said, “I think one of the things we maybe don’t do because it can be very hard is we do not expose ourselves for who we are. We do not stand in the authenticity of who we are and what we are able to do because it can be frightening. But in not telling people, in not communicating, in not saying something, we are not allowing other people to imagine what those roles could look like.”

Our silences will not protect us.

And, when those people continue with their stereotypes and caricatures about us, and we continue to bite our tongues, and our so-called progressive allies continue to hold their tongues because it’s an uncomfortable conversation to have, or because you or they don’t want to hurt the feelings of the offender, then these silences contribute to our own oppression. Sometimes all it takes is for someone to say to another, “Hey man, that’s not cool.” Sometimes all it takes is for someone to be able to imagine that someone like you, someone like me, can be so many other things than what they have been exposed to in the media, in the culture.

If the traditional gatekeepers will not expose us, center us, and represent us with the complexities of the full spectrum of our collective humanity and experiences, then it may be up to us and our allies to do so. We must continue to share our stories, not bite our tongues, and, whenever possible, amplify others and support organizations, politicians, businesses, and entertainment that do not exacerbate what oppresses us. And, if and when we gain some power in the system, we must not forget that such power also comes with a responsibility to the rest of the community.

Politics must change for much of our woes and institutionalized obstacles to fade and disappear, but most politics do not change without disruption, without demands, and without a cultural change that then drives politicians to want to be on the right side of history … a cultural change that proves to those afraid of us that there is nothing, nothing, to be afraid of, because, though different, we are, after all, just like them. Human. If they could only imagine it.

Let us help them (and us) imagine that we, too, are a powerful piece on that chessboard; and hopefully, one day, they will not only be able to imagine us as powerful, but also want to be like us. Let us aspire to be the queens on the chessboard, and let us spread our stories through arts, through poetry, through any creative pursuit possible so these stories, too, cross the borders that sometimes are the toughest to cross: the minds of those who hate and fear us.


Julián Esteban Torres López (he/him/el) is a bilingual, Colombia-born journalist, publisher, podcaster, researcher, educator, editor, and cultural worker with Afro-Euro-Indigenous roots. Before founding the nonfiction storytelling organization The Nasionahe ran several cultural and arts organizations, edited journals/books, was a social justice/public history researcher, wrote a column for Colombia Reports, taught university courses, and managed a history museum. He’s a Pushcart Prize and Best Small Fictions nominee and has written two books on social justice.

yrXdenizens| call Polis| home

By Steven Alvarez


Steven Alvarez is the author of The Codex Mojaodicus, winner of the Fence Modern Poets Prize. He has also authored the novels in verse The Pocho Codex and The Xicano Genome, both published by Editorial Paroxismo, and the chapbooks, Tonalamatl, El Segundo’s Dream Notes (Letter [r] Press), Un/documented, Kentucky (winner of the Rusty Toque Chapbook Prize), and Six Poems from the Codex Mojaodicus (winner of the Seven Kitchens Press Rane Arroyo Poetry Prize). His work has appeared in the Best Experimental Writing, Anomaly, Asymptote, Berkeley Poetry Review, Fence, MAKE, The Offing, and Waxwing. Follow Steven on Instagram @stevenpaulalvarez and Twitter @chastitellez.

Room for Dessert

By Thomas Maya

“No politics,” Lucia said.

Roberto flicked on the blinker, slowed the car down for the right-side turn into the parking lot and said, “Sure.” The rain had just started and the roads were slick, and he had become a slow, careful driver since his father’s accident. It was Roberto and Lucia’s first Friday out since the trip to Medellín, where they’d gone to visit with her family.  

“I mean it.” She put her hand on his upper thigh and squeezed through his jeans. “Promise me,” she said squeezing harder. “I don’t want another argument between you two.”

Inside the steakhouse they found Olga and Jaime seated at a booth, and they said their hellos in Spanish as they sat down across from them. 

Jaime said, “We ordered a Bloomin’ Onion to get us started.”

Roberto nodded and smiled before saying, “Lucia says we shouldn’t talk politics.”

“Roberto, por favor,” she said and pinched his thigh.

“I agree,” Olga said. “I’m sick of hearing about it twenty-four seven, on the news, on Facebook, from Jaime all day long.”

Jaime shook his head and laughed. “Jamás! I don’t talk politics all day long,” he said.  “Besides, what are we supposed to talk about, huh, what we did at work today, the weather?”

“How’s Mom?” Roberto asked. “You call her this week?”

Roberto and Jaime’s mother had returned to her birthplace of Ensenada after their father’s wreck–heavy rains, slippery curves, the old man’s all-too-familiar reckless driving. Jaime had spoken with her a few days before; he told them that she sounded lonely. “We’re thinking of visiting in June. You two should come, we’ll make it an extended double date. Maybe take a quick drive down to Baja?”

“Yeah, we better get on that before the wall gets built.”

“Roberto!” Lucia said.

“It’s okay, Lucia, somos adultos. And besides”–Jaime waved his carpenter’s hands across the table as if showing off a piece of just-finished woodwork–“this is how you find common ground. ¿Sí o no, hermanito? By discussing things, not avoiding them.”

“You know we’re Mexican, right?” Roberto said.

“Mexican-American,” Jaime corrected. “And legal to boot.”

Roberto smirked and looked away from his older brother as their waiter approached. He was a tall, redheaded man in his forties who wore a textbook-sized apron across his crotch and a red shirt covered with decorative pins. He placed a platter in the center of the table as if it were a bouquet and said hello to the new patrons. Steam rose from the oniony blossom, accompanied by a pungent smell, as the waiter pulled out a notepad and asked if everyone was ready to order.

“I can be ready if I go last,” Roberto said, opening his menu for the first time.

Jaime went first and ordered the ribeye rare. Olga asked a question about a seafood medley, and, as the waiter answered, Roberto eyed the many pins tacked to his red shirt. Along with his nametag, there were colorful koala bears, hopping kangaroos, and numerous boomerangs all celebrating the man’s sales and employment history at the steakhouse. There was also an American flag pinned to the flap of his shirt pocket–it hung upside down right where one would put their hand when reciting the Pledge of Allegiance. Jaime mentioned the flag after the waiter’s departure.

“I noticed,” Roberto said. “You think it was on purpose?”

“Why the hell would anyone do that on purpose?” Jaime asked.

“No politics boys.” Olga grabbed a wedge of onion. “Tell us about your trip,” she added, tilting her head and smiling large to make obvious her collusion with Lucia.

Roberto, ignoring her, said, “It’s a distress signal, Jaime. An SOS, something like Mayday, Mayday, Mayday, our president’s a nut job, things in DC are going to shit.”

“Mayday my ass, it’s–”

“Stop it,” Olga said. “I’m going to Mayday both your asses out of this booth if you don’t. Tell me,” she said looking right into Roberto’s eyes, “about your trip.”

“Right, our trip. It was…it was good. Lucia took me to Cartagena this time, which was very pretty, but very hot–we were sweating buckets the whole time.”

Lucia glanced over at Roberto and said, “Actually, we do have some big news, right Roberto?” He nodded and gave her an okay to go on with a forward nudge of his chin. “We’re moving to Medellín.”

“Thinking about moving,” Roberto clarified.

“Qué va, really?” Olga said. 

“Absolutely,” Lucia said. “Especially if Roberto’s job hunt pans out.”

“Seriously?” Jaime said. When he pressed his brother for more details, Roberto explained how he had interviewed at a few schools during their trip, and that the posting he most wanted, teaching English literature at a Jesuit high school, looked promising. He would be revamping their honors English course, getting to decide what books needed to be added to the course’s reading list.

“But you have a great job here,” Jaime said.

“We don’t want to stick around for this.” He flashed his hands across the table mimicking his brother, and they all knew what ‘this’ meant. “And besides,” he turned to consult Lucia with a can-we-tell-them-yet glance. She nodded, and he went on to say, “We’re going to need lots of babysitters, what with the–”

“Ay, felicitaciones,” Olga said, standing abruptly to be able to hug Lucia from across the table.

“No mames! You’re having a kid?” Jaime shook his head as he said this.

“Yup,” Roberto responded, chuckling. “Lucia’s in her first trimester.”

“But you got us. We could help babysit.”

“Yeah, yeah, of course,” Roberto said. “It’s just–”

“I want to be close to family,” Lucia said to Jaime. “I want our child to get to know his grandparents, his aunts and uncles, his cousins, too.”

“Family, huh? What about Mom? Hell, what about getting to know us?”

“You guys can come visit, so can Mom, and we’ll visit her too, of course, once the baby’s born.”

“What about the wall?” Jaime said.

Roberto laughed. “Flying between Colombia and Mexico means we won’t have to worry about any walls. Or bans on immigrants. Or whatever else nuestro gran presidente decides to do.”

“It’s a bad idea if you ask me.”

“Well, Jaime, nobody’s asking you,” Lucia responded.       

Jaime turned to her and said, “Te crees muy muy,” as the waiter returned with drinks. He leaned across the table and placed sodas and beers on coasters that read EAT RESPONSIBLY: SAVE ROOM FOR DESSERT. They waited for him to leave before saying anything else.

“Maybe we should talk about something else now,” Olga said.

“Yeah, like what?” Jaime asked.

“The weather?”

“Rainy and miserable, just like when Dad died,” Jaime said.

“Work then,” Olga said. “What’s everyone up to at work?”

“Clocking in, clocking out, getting paid, just not nearly enough to survive.”

“Geez Louise! Can we say sourpuss?”

“Sourpuss,” Jaime shot back, and they all chuckled uncomfortably.

“How about dessert?” Lucia suggested, holding up her coaster.

“Dessert sounds amazing,” Olga said.

Jaime was quick to respond, saying, “But we haven’t even eaten yet.”

“Well,” Roberto said with a dismal smile, “there is always room for politics.”

Nobody answered as Jaime reached across the table to grab a piece of fried onion.

Nobody answered as he put the bite into his mouth and, mouth closed, chewed the way his mother had taught them both to chew—near silent, polite, invisible—then swallowed, chuckling to himself. An hour later, when they went home in opposite directions, he was chuckling still.


Thomas Maya is a Colombian-American writer from New York. His fiction was recently recognized as a finalist for Passages North‘s 2020 Waasnode Prize, and he is at work on a first novel.