Editorial Confessional

Dear Great Editor in the Sky, forgive us, for we have sinned.

It has been, well, a considerable amount of time since our last confession.

We have been consumed by envy as we read the amazing writing in other magazines. We have been gluttonous in reading almost anything we can get our hands on. We briefly prayed (sorry to abuse the privilege!) to the God of Printing Presses   so the next issue of that one magazine couldn’t be published. We also planned some stealth attacks on a few ISPs. We didn’t think any of our dastardly deeds would work. We are appalled by our behavior and we are even more appalled that we would do it again.

We have harbored unkind thoughts toward writers. We know it was spiteful to take out that billboard in Times Square that read, “Submitting more than once a week = NOT OKAY,” but we also felt it important to get the message out. It was equally ill-advised to take out the full page ad in several local newspapers indicating that stories with more than 5,000 words would be rejected unread. In our defense, subtlety wasn’t working.

We are human and sometimes weak. We gave in to wrath after the umpteenth writer sent us a new version of a story we had already accepted. We took a knife to a stack of printer paper. It was not, we admit, a pretty sight. There were sad little shreds of paper everywhere. We tried to clean up the mess. We recycled and made a pinata. No stories or poems were hurt. We should get credit for that.

We’d like you to reconsider your position on lust. Is it really a bad thing?   We will own up to lusting for a book and movie deal like the one Shane Jones got and richly-deserved. We cannot detail the other lustful acts we have committed.   We do not want the library to come tumbling down around us. We’re thinking of you, Great Editor in the Sky. We aim to keep your house holy. Also, your guardians here on earth, the mighty librarians, would get angry so we would be forcing them, in turn, to commit a sin. It’s a vicious cycle.

We’re holding a contest. The exchange of money is involved and we intend to pay the winners handsomely as they also richly deserve. We do not apologize for our greed, not one little bit. We understand there might be some extra penance for this one.

As we read the August issue of PANK [featuring writing from Matthew J. Babcock, Mel Bosworth, J. Bradley, Eric Burke, Nicelle Davis, Errid Farland, Erin Fitzgerald, Craig Greenman, Kevin Griffith, BJ Hollars and Brendan Todt, Alexandra Isacson, Jason Jordan, Peter Levine, Sandee Lyles, Kuzhali Manickavel, Steven McDermott, Lylanne Musselman, Valerie O’Riordan, Garrett Socol and Jared Walls] we were flush with pride. And how could we not be? Do you see those names? Have you read their words? We know pride is sinful but have we not the right to be proud?

Go. Read. Enjoy. Let us know what you think.